When you are divorced or separated, there is no shortage of people telling you to “Look on the bright side.” Yeah, right! Much easier said then done. While they mean well, unless they have been in your shoes, they really don’t have a clue how difficult life can be. Well, I have been in your shoes. Based on first hand experience, below is a first in a series of tips on how to actually look on that bright side and bring a great sense of peace and hopefulness into your life. I pray it helps!
Accept it: When we accept the fact that life during and after divorce can be very difficult it makes the suffering easier to bear. I didn’t say go away–just easier to deal with. The ex is still going to be a jerk, the bills still need to be paid, and life is still going to be lonely at times. Putting yourself in a posture of acceptance instead of denial is the ticket. I remember vividly the day that I accepted that I would have to live a chaste life after my divorce. It was the last thing I wanted, and the time leading up to that decision was filled with anxiety. Yet, once I made the decision to embrace my chaste life, the anxiety disappeared. I had this incredible sense of freedom. The burden had been lifted. This surprised me because accepting the fact that I might never be married again, and having to be celibate the rest of my life (something I thought only priests did), should have caused me even more anxiety and suffering. But it didn’t–just the opposite. Christ had taken this burden from me once I surrender it completely to Him. Believe it or not, enduring our suffering each day is our path to Heaven: “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.” (Mark 8:34)
(c) 2009, Vincent Frese II
(This is an excerpt from the blog article “Live In The Moment!” posted on www.divorcedcatholic.org.)