Originally posted 2014-09-08 06:00:29.

I am talking to you–yes, you. You know who you are. You are scared and anxious. Your heart is heavy. It is a struggle to get through each day carrying around your worries and fears. Or, maybe you have convinced yourself that everything is fine, yet there is a nagging sense that it’s really not. You are trying to come to grips with the possibility that the rest of your life might be like this. You have always considered yourself a fairly optimistic person, but now you may be starting to lose hope. You wonder if this is what despair is like.

Want to know why you are feeling this way? Want it to stop? If you are nodding your head yes, keep reading. The reason you are feeling this way is because you are putting all your faith and trust in yourself. Oh, sure, in your head you may be telling yourself that you are trusting God, but deep down you really are still putting all your faith in you. You reach out to God like you play the lottery, hoping you will hit it big and all your problems will disappear, all the while mentally preparing yourself to do it all on your own. Unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways.

Putting all your trust in yourself is the source of anxiety and fear. While your conscious mind might be psyching you up to believe that you can handle everything on your own, deep down you know you can’t. The anxiety and fear you experience are the symptoms of this internal conflict. To find peace, acknowledge (even say out loud) that you can’t do it on your own, that you don’t know what to do, and that you really need help. Then, (here’s the important part) surrender control of your life over to Christ. Give Him every single bit and piece of your life–every worry, every fear, every pain, and every dream. Throw yourself at His feet and grab hold and never let go. He GUARANTEES (that’s a pretty strong word) that He will never let you down. Once you really trust in Him and not yourself, peace will begin to flow through your life like a river. I am not saying that suddenly everything will become a piece of cake. No, what I am saying is that when you put all your trust in Christ, you are aligning your life with the reality that you are not God and that you need the One who made you to fully live. Living that Truth creates a relationship, and in that relationship is peace.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Originally posted 2014-06-04 06:00:30.

God never intended us to go through any life tragedy, especially one as monumental as divorce, simply relying on our own strength. Yet, so many people do. They either totally ignore God, or are completely ignorant of the promise He has made to always help them through difficult times (Hebrews 13:6). Sadly, the world is filled with these weary souls who now resign themselves to a life of hopelessness and pain. The truth is God accompanies us on every twist and turn through life, giving us everything we need to succeed. And the sacraments are the cornerstone of His success plan, especially the Eucharist. Those that have armed themselves with their faith, and strengthened themselves with the Eucharist, have a supernatural advantage in their battle; one that insures them of victory over hardship and despair. How could you not overcome the greatest odds, and be restored to the fullness of life, when you rely on the Creator of the Universe instead of your own wimpy, human self? Give yourself an unfair advantage in the battles life throws at you. Get Christ, unfiltered and undiluted, in the Eucharist, and He will be the source of all the strength you need.

If I am distracted, Holy Communion helps me to become recollected. If opportunities are offered each day to offend my God, I arm myself anew each day for the combat by the reception of the Eucharist. If I am in special need of light and prudence in order to discharge my burdensome duties, I draw nigh to my Savior and seek counsel and light from him. – St. Thomas More

Originally posted 2014-11-18 06:00:26.

God has a unique plan for each and everyone of us. He created us with a purpose, a purpose far greater and more noble than we usually can fathom. In fact, we tend to set our sights much lower, and settle for far less, than what God has planned for us.

When divorce hits we can lose sight of God’s plan. The divorce becomes our plan. We then spend our time, energy, and focus working the “divorce” plan. Being divorced becomes our life. It becomes who we are. We look at divorce as our life’s final destination, instead of a detour from something far greater. This is when divorce becomes our dead-end.

Thankfully, God never stops calling us back to His plan. Often times we ignore this. As a result, life becomes much more difficult than it has to be. If you find that you lack a sense of peace, that life has become a never-ending struggle, that you seem to be going in circles and getting nowhere, take a step back. More than likely, you are working your plan, instead of God’s. The struggle and heartache are indicators that you are working against God, not with Him.

Daily prayer, routine confession, and quiet time in front of the Eucharist, are great ways to tune into the Holy Spirit and allow Him to get you back on track. We all need a “realignment” from time-to-time as life, our fears, and our freewill, have a way of pulling us off track. Remember, God has a great plan for you–a plan filled with promise, peace, and joy. Living that plan may not always be easy, but not living it is sure to lead you to a dead-end.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

Originally posted 2014-05-19 06:00:01.

The low point in my divorce came on Christmas morning, about two months after my divorce was filed. I actually got a call from my attorney; he wanted to discuss some aspect of my divorce (he didn’t celebrate Christmas since he was Jewish). I remember getting off that call and thinking, “I will be so relieved when this is all over and I can patch my life back together.” Boy, was I setting my sights low!

Overwhelmed with the pain and intensity of my divorce, all I hoped for out of the rest of my life was to be free of emotional pain. I could not imagine anything greater than that. Little did I know, I was aiming far too low. Fortunately, God was aiming high — very high.

While I would have been satisfied simply to slug through the rest of my life, God had much, much greater plans for me. His plans included using my painful experiences to help tens of thousands of divorced Catholics all over the world, and, ultimately, to meet an incredible woman of faith, get married, blend two families into one, and have a total of seven kids, including the gift of our son. Many years later, as I look back on how God’s plan has played out in my life, I am still blown away.

When you are struggling to look into the future and see anything but a life hobbled by divorce, remember that God’s plans are always far greater than anything you can imagine. While you may be willing to settle for mediocrity, God is ready to give you a mind-blowing life filled with an abundance of peace, joy, purpose, and love. All you need to do is ask!

“Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.” – Mark 11:24

Originally posted 2018-06-07 00:30:15.

Recently, I traveled out-of-town to a major American city. Fortunately, there was a Catholic Church within walking distance from my hotel. One morning, I arrived just as Mass was starting and slipped into a side pew. I was struck by two things. First, the incredible beauty of the church. The painted ceilings, marble columns, and stained glass were magnificent and filled me with awe. Second, was the extreme diversity of the people. I was surrounded by rich people, poor people, old people, young people, professionals, blue-collar laborers, blacks, whites, Asians and Hispanics – a real mishmash of people. Despite our differences, we were all sharing equally in God’s greatest expression of love for us: His Son fully present in the Eucharist.

This experience made me think about how God must view divorced Catholics. Each of us has our own story, our own experience, that makes us unique. Yet, God loves us all the same. He doesn’t distinguish between how long we were married, who was at fault, who was more committed to their marriage or their faith, or who suffered more. To Him, we all look the same, and we are all welcome in His House. Remember that the next time you feel a sense of shame about your divorce. We all belong to Him and His Church!

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. – 1 Corinthians 12:12

Originally posted 2014-12-18 06:00:56.

If you ever have the privilege of going to Rome and visiting the many ancient Catholic churches, you will often see incredibly beautiful tapestries hanging from the walls.  Usually, these tapestries depict some scene from Scripture. These amazing tapestries were painstakingly made by hand with countless strands of thread. When they are all woven together, they create magnificent works of art that uplift and inspire. Ironically, if you turn one over and look at the back, what you see doesn’t resemble anything like the beautiful front. Often, it looks like a hodgepodge of threads that is actually quite ugly.

Originally posted 2013-07-09 06:00:26.

Life after my divorce was so uncertain and disorienting. So much had changed. Most of the familiar routines, people, and traditions disappeared. My life felt awkward, almost alien. It really was as if I had been dropped onto Mars. I spent most of my energy numbly fumbling around trying to make sense of the my new life’s landscape. I was lost. All I knew to do was to pray and cling to my Catholic faith.

Originally posted 2014-07-18 11:00:32.

One of the most frustrating aspects of going through a divorce (or any painful situation, really) is that as much as you would like, you can’t snap your fingers and make it all go away. It seems that just when you have solved one problem, or suffered through yet another emotional experience, there is another right behind it. Life can become a grind. This is when you can become hopeless and feel like God has abandoned you.

Guess what? God knows EVERYTHING. He knows everything that has happened to you (and everything that will), and He knows exactly how you are feeling. Because He honors your free will, he rarely comes in and saves you from yourself. What He does do is long for you to show your trust in Him by living your faith, especially on the really difficult days when you are not sure what you believe. Those are the days that you are not acting out of feelings, but out of your will. A will that chooses God over yourself. You see, God is in it with you for the long haul. He is with you day by day as you trudge through life trying to make it all make sense, battling frustration, hopelessness, and despair. When you muster the courage and obedience to live your faith, to believe even when you are not sure, and to act even when your feelings are telling you it’s not worth it, that’s when the blessings flow. This faithfulness is what God will reward everyday, even though you may not see it or feel it. It is only in the looking back that you can more clearly see how God has loved you all along the way.

I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me. – Galatians 2:19-20

Originally posted 2014-07-11 06:00:35.

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Those were the famous words that Jack Nicholson delivered so passionately in the movie A Few Good Men. And he was right. Many people can’t handle the truth, especially when it sheds light on poor choices or brings on consequences. This is often the case when a marriage ends in divorce. One spouse is usually trying to make the other spouse acknowledge and live the truth of their marriage vows. All too often, one of the two can’t handle (or live) that truth.

Just because one person refuses to accept the truth, doesn’t make it any less true. Thanks be to God! If the truth was only true if you believed it, you would have no foundation to build your life on. The truth is so desperately needed when someone is grappling with divorce. So often they have been surrounded by lies, or its kissing cousin, denial, for so long, confusion and uncertainty abound. Build you life on the truth of Jesus Christ; you will experience the clarity, certainty, and peace that comes with building your life on a foundation of rock.

“For this I was born and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice.” – John 18:37

Originally posted 2013-08-26 11:00:40.