Vince Fresecatholic – Vince Frese

Five Keys to Raising Your Kids Catholic After Divorce

Vince Frese — Wed, 29 Apr 2026 17:47:36 +0000

Raising our children Catholic after a divorce can be very difficult if your former spouse is not cooperative.

There are two ways to help ensure our kids keep the faith: the worldly and the spiritual. Both are necessary, and must be in the right balance, to ensure consistency in raising your kids Catholic. That’s really all we can hope for since “divorce” and “consistency” don’t tend to go together.

The spiritual approach is the most readily available. In short, it means praying fervently to God, Jesus, the Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and St. Michael, to keep our kids Catholic despite what is swirling around them. This is fundamental; pray every day.

The worldly approach is a little more of a bare-knuckle approach because it involves the legal process. If you have not finalized your divorce, then I highly encourage you to put into your divorce decree very specific requirements regarding your children’s Catholic faith. Once it is in writing, you have the power of the courts to back you up and help you facilitate raising your kids Catholic. That is much better then leaving it up to the fickle nature of an former spouse.

Here are some suggestions:

Key 1: Get the kids back by 4 p.m. on Sunday.

Have in your decree that you get the kids back by 4 p.m. on Sundays. This will allow you time to get to the Sunday evening Mass. Many agreements default to 6 p.m. That’s too late.

Key 2. Ask your former spouse to cooperate.

Have in your decree that your former spouse will make every effort to cooperate in raising the children Catholic. Specify that this also means not introducing them to other faiths. This creates confusion and anxiety. Sorry, the Protestant faiths are very different than the Catholic faith no matter what your former spouse might try to tell you (and the kids). This also means not speaking badly of the faith or of you for raising them Catholic. Get that in your agreement.

Key 3: Have the kids every Easter.

Put in your decree that you have your kids back by 9 a.m. every Easter. Chances are you won’t get a fight, especially if your former spouse is not practicing the faith. Easter is the most important day of the liturgical year. Make sure your kids are celebrating it.

Key 4: Ensure the kids always get to CCD classes.

Be sure to have in your decree that your former spouse will take the kids to CCD (i.e. faith formation) classes if it occurs on their weekend. This also means allowing the kids to go on retreats, receive their sacraments (e.g. First Communion), and other church activities when they fall on the former spouse’s visitation time.

Key 5: Require your former spouse to take the kids to Mass.

See if you can’t get your former spouse to agree to take the kids to Mass on their Sundays. It may be a long shot, but ask for it anyway.

Be Prepared to Negotiate

You may be thinking, “Yeah right, my former spouse would NEVER agree to any of this.” Okay, maybe he/she won’t, but you need to try. You may have to get very creative with your negotiations. If money is a big deal with your former spouse, consider making some economic concessions. Isn’t your kids’ salvation worth it? If time is a big deal, offer more time with the kids. The point is, just about anything of this world is worth giving up in exchange for consistency and a firm foundation for your kids in their Catholic faith.

Consistency is Rewarded

Lastly, you might be surprised how supportive judges are of maintaining the children’s faith lives. Judges don’t like major changes from how the kids were raised prior to the divorce. They understand that radical changes cause undue anxiety and stress for kids. Judges like consistency. If you have been consistent in raising your kids Catholic prior to the divorce, the chances are extremely good that the judge will support you in raising them Catholic after the divorce.

Fighting for their faith before the divorce is settled is well worth the effort. Like the saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

It’s Never Too Late to Make Changes

If you have already settled your divorce, it is still not too late. Now that you have been living with your agreement for some period of time, it is highly likely there are things about it that both you and your former spouse would like changed. Use that as an opportunity to renegotiate to get some of the above concessions in your agreement.

You don’t necessarily have to go back to court. If you both can agree on it, that will work as an informal agreement. This is not the best since the former spouse might renege on the changes they agreed upon as soon as some other disagreement comes up (and it most likely will). But, any victory is a victory, no matter how small.

The Courts Might Be Your Only Option

Sadly, you may have to go back to court and fight for changes to the agreement to help ensure a Catholic upbringing for your kids, especially if your former spouse is totally uncooperative, or worse, is undermining the kids’ faith.

In any case, pray to St. Michael and put your kids firmly in his care. He is our protector and defender!

Question: How successful have you been raising your kids Catholic after divorce? Share your answer in the Comments section below.

Originally posted 2015-05-02 10:03:56.

Snake Oil

Vince Frese — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 17:39:15 +0000

The world offers so many remedies for our emotional pain. Unfortunately, they are usually nothing more than snake oil, holding the promise of healing, but in the end are just an illusion. Jesus is the Real Deal, the Divine Physician, who wants to heal you of your pain and sorrow. While He came over 2,000 years ago, His healing power is still available to all who believe in Him. No one is shut out from His healing love. The key is to ask in faith, and trust in the depth of His love. He will never abandon you.

“I will never forsake or abandon you.” – Hebrews 13:5-6

Originally posted 2014-09-01 06:00:31.

I Am Always Here

Vince Frese — Fri, 24 Apr 2026 17:14:08 +0000

One morning I walked into Mass very distracted and anxious. I had many things on my mind: projects due at work, challenges with the kids, financial pressures, dealing with the ex, etc. On top of that, I wasn’t feeling well. It was hard to focus on the Mass. Frankly, I was just going through the motions. After I received the Blessed Sacrament, I was walking back to the pew when I heard it. It was a kind of whisper in my soul that said, “No matter what is going on out there, I am always here.” A feeling of peace flooded over me. Christ was reminding me that, while my life was stressful and unpredictable, His peace was available to me any time I needed it. I could unplug from the craziness of my life simply by coming to Mass. Time could almost stand still. My worries, fears and doubts could be put on hold. The Mass can be the oasis in my desert, a port in my storm. I never forgot it.

Going through a divorce brings on a tsunami of challenges, emotions, and uncertainty. And these typically don’t stop after the divorce is final. There are aftershocks of some kind, often for years to come. You can unplug from all of this at any time by going to Mass. Walking in the doors of the church, receiving Christ, even just being in His presence, is giving yourself a gift. A gift of His peace. A gift you can receive everyday if you need, or wish. Christ and His peace are only as far away as your nearest Catholic church. Claim your gift in the Mass.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid. – John 14:27

Originally posted 2013-11-19 11:00:40.

Simplify

Vince Frese — Wed, 22 Apr 2026 16:43:45 +0000

I have a 104 year-old grandmother, Nonni.* Until recently, she lived by herself. Whenever I would go to visit her, I was always struck by how simple a life she lived compared to me. She lived in a tiny, one bedroom apartment with only a bed and a few pieces of furniture. She does not own a car, nor a computer, and certainly not a cellphone. She has no use for the internet. Her most advanced technology: a small TV. If you sat and talked to her you would come to find out that the highlights of her day are the daily Mass she watches at 9:00 AM and phone calls or visits from family. When you look into her eyes, you see true peace and joy.

Nonni has very few material possessions, and she could care less. What she does have is a powerful love. First for Jesus, who she talks to throughout her day, and second for her family. Those are the two things that matter most to her. We can all learn a powerful lesson from Nonni. Stuff won’t make us happy or bring us joy. Love does. Simplify your life. You will have more time to love and to be loved. And therein lies the secret to lasting peace and joy.

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.” – John 15:11-12

*Nonni went to her eternal reward on January 14, 2014. She is dearly missed by all who had the privilege of knowing her. Her example and inspiration will live on through many generations.

Originally posted 2013-09-25 11:00:53.

Make It Right

Vince Frese — Mon, 20 Apr 2026 16:32:52 +0000

Marriages are supposed to be for life. That’s how God designed them. Divorce is an obvious sign that something went seriously wrong with that plan. Most divorces don’t happen overnight. It is usually the result of a cumulative series of events. If you are totally honest with yourself, you can see what role you played in your marriage’s demise. Even if it was relatively small, what you did–or didn’t do–had some impact.

While it may be too late to save your marriage, it is never to late to take accountability. First, acknowledge what you did wrong before God, preferably in confession. Then, do whatever you can do to make it right. If you were unfaithful, sincerely apologize and acknowledge the pain you caused. If you abused alcohol, drugs, or pornography, seek help. If you were uninvolved with the kids, get involved. If you were irresponsible with money, try to make financial reparations. If there is a chance you can reconcile, explore it in counseling. Whatever it is, now is always a great time to start to make amends.

Ignoring the past and doing nothing is easy. Making things right can be very difficult and often takes a great deal of humility. It’s up to you. Decide now to end the cycle of pain and despair that come with divorce, and start writing a new chapter of your life that is sure to have a happy ending.

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23-24

Originally posted 2014-09-19 06:00:49.

Oprah

Vince Frese — Fri, 17 Apr 2026 15:55:43 +0000

Going through my divorce turned my world upside-down. I suddenly started to question everything in my life. What was true? Who could be trusted? It was like my life was thrust into darkness and I was stumbling around trying to gain my bearings. I would talk to anyone who I thought could help me: friends, family, co-workers–even my hairstylist–trying to get the nuggets of wisdom that would help me make sense of my now senseless life. Heck, I would even tune into Oprah hoping that she would say just the right thing that would end my madness. Sadly, not even Oprah could solve my problems.

One day on my way to work, I drove past a Catholic Church I used to go to as a kid. I had the sudden urge to turn into the parking lot. Not really knowing why I parked the car and went inside. The church was empty and very quiet. I immediately felt a sense of peace like I had not felt in a long time. I walked all the way down to the altar and knelt down. Immediately, I dropped my head and began to sob. All the pain I had been carrying around for months just poured out of me. Finally, after about 30 minutes, I picked up my head, and through my tears, I saw the red light of a candle burning. That’s when it hit me. Christ was here with me in the tabernacle! My search was finally over. I had finally found the Truth and the answers I was looking for. Our Lord is waiting patiently in the tabernacle for each one of us to come to Him. Turn off Oprah and tune into Christ in the tabernacle. He’s waiting for you.

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

Originally posted 2014-08-21 06:00:08.

Cursed?

Vince Frese — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 15:36:45 +0000

During a recent all-day workshop, I had repeated often my view that if one had to go through a divorce, it was a blessing to be Catholic. My point was that our Catholic faith offers so much hope and healing, particularly through the Sacraments, that to have to go through a divorce without them makes the experience so much more difficult. To my surprise, at the end of the workshop, a woman raised her hand and commented that her view of being divorced and Catholic had radically changed by hearing my viewpoint. She stated that before the workshop she felt it was a curse to be divorced and Catholic, given her understanding of the Church’s strict stance on divorce. Her relief and excitement now at being Catholic was obvious.

Our Catholic faith has very clear beliefs that have remained unchanged for 2,000 years. While this provides a bedrock of Truth to build our lives on, it is easy to focus on the dogma of our faith and lose sight of its purpose: to impart the boundless love and mercy of Jesus Christ. He created the Catholic Church, and its Sacraments, to be the channel to this love and mercy for all eternity. Sadly, many Catholics, divorced or not, don’t avail themselves of the Church’s precious, life-changing, gifts nearly enough. Jesus never intended you to go through life’s hardships, especially something as difficult as a divorce, alone. He is always there for you in the Catholic Church. Seek Him there and you will surely find His hope and healing.

“And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.” – Matthew 16:18

Originally posted 2014-06-19 06:00:35.

Too Cool

vfrese@divorcedcatholic.org — Wed, 08 Apr 2026 17:52:11 +0000

Recently, I was on a flight to New York. I was sitting in an aisle seat. The middle seat was empty, and a young woman was sitting in the window seat. She caught my attention because she was what I would call “edgy”. She was dressed very flashy, had a purple streak dyed into her hair, and was wearing sunglasses during the flight. She put off this “Don’t mess with me because I am way too cool.” vibe. As we were getting ready to land, the flight got very bumpy. Suddenly, the woman leaned forwarded and vomited all over her feet and the floor. I found an airsick bag and handed it to her, which she gladly accepted. By the time we finally landed, the sunglasses were off, her chic hairdo was a mess, and she was looking sick and embarrassed. Her “too cool” vibe was gone. She was human after all.

We are all like this young woman in some ways. We put on an exterior shell to protect our interior vulnerability. We don’t want people to get too close, or see who we really are. But in the end, we are all human. We all struggle with the same challenges of life. God is not fooled by our act for one second. There is nothing we can hide from Him. We are all vulnerable. We all need help. That is why Christ came to save us, because we could not save ourselves. Remember that when you are feeling vulnerable, scared, or uncertain. We all need help, we can’t do it all on our own. We need Jesus. Let Him save you everyday.

Therefore, he is always able to save those who approach God through him, since he lives forever to make intercession for them. – Hebrews 7:25

Originally posted 2014-09-08 06:00:29.

Peace Like A River

Vince Frese — Mon, 02 Mar 2026 00:32:15 +0000

I am talking to you–yes, you. You know who you are. You are scared and anxious. Your heart is heavy. It is a struggle to get through each day carrying around your worries and fears. Or, maybe you have convinced yourself that everything is fine, yet there is a nagging sense that it’s really not. You are trying to come to grips with the possibility that the rest of your life might be like this. You have always considered yourself a fairly optimistic person, but now you may be starting to lose hope. You wonder if this is what despair is like.

Want to know why you are feeling this way? Want it to stop? If you are nodding your head yes, keep reading. The reason you are feeling this way is because you are putting all your faith and trust in yourself. Oh, sure, in your head you may be telling yourself that you are trusting God, but deep down you really are still putting all your faith in you. You reach out to God like you play the lottery, hoping you will hit it big and all your problems will disappear, all the while mentally preparing yourself to do it all on your own. Unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways.

Putting all your trust in yourself is the source of anxiety and fear. While your conscious mind might be psyching you up to believe that you can handle everything on your own, deep down you know you can’t. The anxiety and fear you experience are the symptoms of this internal conflict. To find peace, acknowledge (even say out loud) that you can’t do it on your own, that you don’t know what to do, and that you really need help. Then, (here’s the important part) surrender control of your life over to Christ. Give Him every single bit and piece of your life–every worry, every fear, every pain, and every dream. Throw yourself at His feet and grab hold and never let go. He GUARANTEES (that’s a pretty strong word) that He will never let you down. Once you really trust in Him and not yourself, peace will begin to flow through your life like a river. I am not saying that suddenly everything will become a piece of cake. No, what I am saying is that when you put all your trust in Christ, you are aligning your life with the reality that you are not God and that you need the One who made you to fully live. Living that Truth creates a relationship, and in that relationship is peace.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Originally posted 2014-06-04 06:00:30.

Unfair Advantage

Vince Frese — Sun, 01 Mar 2026 00:05:53 +0000

“If you have to go through a divorce, thank God you are Catholic!” I exclaimed to a group of divorced and separated Catholics. A puzzled look replaced the mostly pain-filled expressions I saw staring back at me. I knew what they were thinking: “How is being Catholic going to get me out of this mess?” Fair question. The short answer: The Eucharist.

God never intended us to go through any life tragedy, especially one as monumental as divorce, simply relying on our own strength. Yet, so many people do. They either totally ignore God, or are completely ignorant of the promise He has made to always help them through difficult times (Hebrews 13:6). Sadly, the world is filled with these weary souls who now resign themselves to a life of hopelessness and pain. The truth is God accompanies us on every twist and turn through life, giving us everything we need to succeed. And the sacraments are the cornerstone of His success plan, especially the Eucharist. Those that have armed themselves with their faith, and strengthened themselves with the Eucharist, have a supernatural advantage in their battle; one that insures them of victory over hardship and despair. How could you not overcome the greatest odds, and be restored to the fullness of life, when you rely on the Creator of the Universe instead of your own wimpy, human self? Give yourself an unfair advantage in the battles life throws at you. Get Christ, unfiltered and undiluted, in the Eucharist, and He will be the source of all the strength you need.

If I am distracted, Holy Communion helps me to become recollected. If opportunities are offered each day to offend my God, I arm myself anew each day for the combat by the reception of the Eucharist. If I am in special need of light and prudence in order to discharge my burdensome duties, I draw nigh to my Savior and seek counsel and light from him. – St. Thomas More

Originally posted 2014-11-18 06:00:26.