I thought that once my divorce was final, life would get back to some sense of normal and most of my divorce-related struggles would disappear. Yeah, right. I quickly discovered that the primary change was the types of struggles I faced, not struggles themselves.  

My main struggle initially was committing to a chaste lifestyle. That one would routinely challenge me during the first year or two after my divorce. But, I had others, too, like dealing with anger at my former spouse, and being patient with my kids after a long day as a single parent. I even had difficulty trusting God and fully living my faith. Each time I would fail to rise up and overcome the challenge of the moment, I always felt disgusted and angry with myself.  

A priest suggested that I start praying for the graces to have the strength to overcome my challenges. He suggested I say a quick prayer each time I was feeling particularly challenged. If I had the presence of mind, I would pray the Our Father, but usually it was a simple, “Lord help me!” It really helped. While I didn’t respond properly every time, I did respond properly more often than not. I more readily overcame my temptations, held my tongue with my ex, and was able to see my kids misbehaving as just a signal that they needed a hug instead of a timeout. Now instead of feeling disgusted and angry with myself, I actually felt good about the way I handled my challenges. Going through a divorce, and being divorced, brings its share of challenges. I learned that I was not going it alone. I learned how to use the amazing power of prayer to give me strength when I needed it most.

Pray without ceasing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Originally posted 2014-07-22 06:00:26.

“I’m scared, Daddy!” shouted my son above the din of man-made water rapids and squeals of about five hundred other kids. We were at a water park on a hot summer day, and we were making our way through the “Lazy River.” The problem for my son was that this part of the Lazy River offers a difficult choice. It branched off into two paths. One path was, well, lazy, while the other path was a surge of rapids, water eruptions, and lots of spraying water. For a five-year-old it was quite intimidating, and he was seeking the more calm and tranquil path. He couldn’t connect with the promise that, while more intense and intimidating, it was also the most exciting and rewarding part of the ride.

Life after divorce offers us two paths as well: our path and Christ’s path. So often we prefer our path. We want to live life on our terms, our timelines, and in our comfort-zone. We’ve been through hell and we would just rather coast through life at a pace, and on a path, of our choosing. Yet, Christ invites us down His path. A path that is often intimidating and more difficult because it requires us to follow through on what we profess to believe. It is one thing to say you are Catholic and an entirely different thing to really live it. Christ’s path challenges us to live His teachings, including the hard ones, like forgiveness, honesty, chastity, mercy, and love.

Christ never wants to leave you where you are. He is constantly urging you forward to live the amazing life He has planned for you, and to become the magnificent person He created you to be. His path will get you there. If you can surrender and allow yourself to be caught up in His current, you will come to see that your best life lies ahead of you, not behind you. Which path will you take?

I have come so that they might have life and have it more abundantly. – John 10:10

Originally posted 2014-09-02 06:00:43.

Recently, I was speaking to a group on the virtue of chastity. A highly charged topic, for sure.  One woman raised her hand and offered that what she was most afraid of was being alone the rest of her life. She felt she was in a Catch-22 of sorts. She was afraid that if she committed to a chaste life, she would not be able to meet a man. And, if she was not chaste, she would be in mortal sin unable to receive the Eucharist. She felt she needed to choose between a life of loneliness, or a life separated from her faith. I could definitely relate.

Originally posted 2014-05-29 06:00:40.

Originally posted 2014-10-08 06:00:34.

At a recent Recovering from Divorce session, we were discussing the always popular topic of dating and intimacy as a divorced Catholic. There is always a yearning for clarity from the participants on this highly charged, and often controversial, topic.

I was presenting the Church’s teaching on chastity when one of the participants blurted out, “Come on, really?! Does anyone still practice chastity any more?” Her skepticism is understandable. In today’s sexually saturated society, it is easy to believe that being sexually active outside of marriage is as common as brushing your teeth. However, what is equally as common is the disillusionment, regret, and negative consequences that come with living apart from God’s design for our sexuality.

God designed sexual intimacy as a gift for married couples to cooperate in His plan for creating life and to create unity in their marriage. Misuse of this gift will never bring lasting peace and joy. Instead, what tends to occur is a type of slavery. Some people are afraid they will never meet someone unless they are willing to be sexually active. Others are afraid they will have to be celibate the rest of their lives, something they never bargained for. In any case, people are enslaved by their fears. Ultimately, this robs them of hope, resulting in desperate decisions and broken hearts. None of this is God’s plan.

God created all of us to share in His joy and peace here on Earth and perfectly forever in Heaven. We are the ones that tend to mess that up by our actions. The Church’s teaching on chastity, while initially seeming archaic and out-of-touch, is a deep Truth based on 2,000 years of wisdom. The more you live this Truth, the more you are guaranteed to be free from the bondage of fear and to find peace. Pray for the graces you need to trust the Church’s teaching on chastity and the courage to live it. Doing so will bring you more peace than you can imagine, and the freedom to make the right choices in your relationships. I speak from personal experience!

Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human FREEDOM. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds PEACE, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. – Catechism of the Catholic Church: 2339

Originally posted 2014-08-12 06:00:15.

Originally posted 2014-07-31 06:00:19.

Recently, I was speaking to a group on the virtue of chastity. A highly charged topic, for sure.  One woman raised her hand and offered that what she was most afraid of was being alone the rest of her life. She felt she was in a Catch-22 of sorts. She was afraid that if she committed to a chaste life, she would not be able to meet a man. And, if she was not chaste, she would be in mortal sin unable to receive the Eucharist. She felt she needed to choose between a life of loneliness, or a life separated from her faith. I could definitely relate.

Originally posted 2014-10-23 06:00:47.