Sadly, Ellen’s story is all too common. Parents must remember that children are the completely innocent victims in divorce. They didn’t ask for it, and they didn’t want it. Yet, they must carry this heavy cross daily. The first step parents can take in helping to make their kids’ burden lighter is to stop the war. Call an immediate truce, and then set about doing whatever is necessary to find a lasting peace. This doesn’t mean you have to be best buddies with your ex, but it does mean you may have to suck it up for your kids. Ending the war will usher in a much needed calm. This will allow a sense of predictability and security to your return to your kids’ lives giving them the time and space they need to adjust to their new reality. Find a way to do it for them, no matter how difficult. Aren’t they worth it?

Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. – Psalm 34:15

Originally posted 2014-06-25 06:00:30.

The next day, the 140 kids that were in the youth group at his parish gave him an ordination gift. It was a St. Christopher medal. On the back was an inscription that read:

October 15, 1988
Congratulations!
We Love you,
Larry’s Kids

Fr. Larry was dumbfounded. God heard his cry and gave him over 140 kids for him to love and look after! This story underscores the lesson that we can never outdo God in generosity. He knows the deepest yearnings of our heart. When we struggle and suffer to be faithful and do His will, He will bless us more abundantly than we can ever imagine.

If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him! – Matthew 7:11

Originally posted 2014-10-01 06:00:39.

As I prayed in thanksgiving for my children, I couldn’t shake a recurring thought. I keep hearing, “precious and good, precious and good,” over and over in my mind. It was as if God put words to the feeling I carried in my heart for my children.

We are all God’s children. While I took the inspiration of “precious and good” as God’s reminder to me of my children, it was also His reminder of how He feels about His children—you and me. He does not focus on our sins and shortcomings. In His sight we are all “precious and good.” Remind yourself of that the next time you are feeling particularly shameful for some sin, or unloved by others. To God, you are always precious and good!

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name: you are mine.
When you pass through waters, I will be with you;
through rivers, you shall not be swept away.
When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned,
nor will flames consume you.” – Isaiah 43:1-2

Originally posted 2014-12-01 06:00:18.

I was recently at an arcade with my children when I encountered Sean, a young 12-year-old boy.  He had approached my kids, who had nearly run out of money and tickets.  They had been conspiring as to how to combine their ticket-earnings to redeem for a toy which would be pleasing to both when Sean came up and simply gave them all of his tickets, and there were a lot — 300 in total.   Shocked and dismayed, I asked the boy to please reconsider.  Why would he give all of his tickets to strangers?  Sean revealed that the tickets meant nothing to him.  He said that he came to this arcade every weekend, to which my children gasped and interrupted,”LUCKY!”.  He said that he had played every game, won every toy and that frankly, he was bored with the whole thing.  So I asked him why he came back every weekend?  He then revealed the sad truth: his father was in an adjoining room playing poker.  Every Saturday night his dad handed him a wad of cash, sent him into the arcade and instructed him to have fun.  The sadness present in this child’s eyes broke my heart.  On the surface, he was at a child’s Mecca with unending games, snacks, prizes and excitement.  However, what this boy really wanted was a relationship with his dad.  He was incredibly lonely and his heart was aching to be loved.

Originally posted 2014-10-31 06:00:30.

“I need your help. My son is pulling out his eyebrows.” was the tearful plea from Meg, a woman in my Recovering from Divorce group. I knew that Meg and her former husband were having a very difficult time co-parenting their children. In fact, they were in a “hot war,” fighting pretty much each day. It was ugly, with lots of yelling, cursing, and screaming—usually in front of the kids. It was not uncommon for the police to have to be called to referee their disputes. The kids were caught squarely in their crossfire, creating many emotional wounds. Meg’s young son pulling out his eyebrows was the painful evidence. Understandably, Meg was desperate for a solution.

My advice to Meg was simple. I told her to forgive her former spouse and end the war. Her chin dropped in disbelief before going into a 10-minute dissertation listing all the reasons why it was impossible for her to forgive that “bleepity-bleep so-and-so.” I told her she only needed one reason, and it was a great one, her kids.  I explained forgiving their father was the greatest act of love she could offer them. It would stop the war and help her kids live a life free of all the anxiety their parents were raining down on them. It would also get them out of the middle and allow them to love each parent free from choosing sides. In short, her act of sacrificial love would breathe life into their emotionally battle-weary souls. Meg’s face softened from anger to hopefulness as she said, “You know, your right.” She set her jaw and walked away with a look of determination to do the right thing for her kids.

“Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me. For the one who is least among all of you is the one who is the greatest.” – Luke 9:48

Originally posted 2014-09-10 06:00:27.

“I hope she rots in Hell!” I screamed at God at the top of my lungs as I drove to work. I had just gotten done listening to my former spouse’s rationale on how our divorce would actually be “good for the kids.” I was so angry and hurt over the pain and distress I knew the divorce would shove into our innocent kids’ lives. They didn’t deserve it, and I felt so helpless to stop it. Too worked up to actually work, I decided to make a detour to my parish church. It was the only place I could go for peace and quiet. Plus, I knew I would not have to talk to anyone there; I could just be by myself for a while. When I arrived, Mass had just started. I slipped into the back and sat there numbly participating. As I walked up to receive communion, I hoped that no one would notice the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t help it. The divorce was shattering not only my life, but my kids’ lives as well. It was not fair! After receiving the Eucharist, I made it back to my pew and knelt to pray. I didn’t have any words. I just knelt and cried. Slowly, a strange feeling of peace filled me. It felt odd. It was such a contradiction to how I was feeling when I walked in. I got a real sense that, despite the storm raging around me, I was safe. It was comforting. I made this trip to Mass part of my morning routine. I looked forward to it each day. It was my port from the storm of divorce. Receiving the Eucharist gave me a tranquility that I desperately needed. Christ became the source of my strength at a time when I had none. Out of my desperation, I was reminded of the greatest gift available to Catholics: Jesus Christ fully present in the Eucharist. He is real. He is there. Receive him as often as possible.

Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. – Isaiah 41:10

Originally posted 2014-10-17 06:00:35.

When you read the Catechism of our Catholic faith, you will certainly see that our faith also has many clearly defined requirements, guidelines, and, well, I guess you can call them, “rules.” Catholics seem to have a rule for everything. While these rules can be comforting, and give you trusted guidance as you navigate through life, they can also seem oppressive and punitive. This is especially true when you experience divorce. Suddenly, you have to abide by a set of doctrines that are unknown, unfamiliar, and might even seem downright unfair. This can add insult to injury, just at the time in your life when what you need more than anything is acceptance, encouragement, and support.

Originally posted 2014-10-21 06:00:07.

I remember when I went through my divorce I was on “high alert” all the time. There were so many things happening all at once, not the least of which was a spouse who mounted a rather nasty legal battle. It seemed the more I did, the more I had to do. Compound that with being thrust into life as a single parent, and to say I was busy, was a gross understatement. It was all I could do to keep my nose above water. I was constantly doing, doing, doing. I felt like if I stopped to take a break, the many plates I was spinning would all come crashing down. I was stressed to the max.

I was like Martha in Luke’s Gospel (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was so burdened doing the many tasks that needed to be done that she failed to take time out for Jesus–the God of the Universe–when He was right there in her midst. Mary, her sister, on the other hand, recognized Christ and rested at his feet taking in all that he was saying. As a result, Mary was much more relaxed and at peace. We can all learn something from Mary. When life is hectic and starting to feel out of control, nestle up next to Jesus by reading Scripture, going to Eucharistic Adoration, or attending Mass. He is guaranteed to relieve your anxiety and stress.

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” – Luke 10:41-42

Originally posted 2014-10-14 06:00:47.

The list was quite long. It was my friend Sam’s list of all the things he wanted to make sure he got done during the week. He was beginning to panic as he thought about getting everything done while juggling work, parenting, and life commitments. Being a single-parent meant he had to do much of it on his own. It was not going to be easy. Just getting the kids to all their sports events for the week was going to require a minor miracle. And, he had not quite figured out how he was going to pull off the overnight trip to New York later in the week that work had booked for him. And that was just at the beginning of his list. Sam looked stressed to the max, and he readily admitted he saw no end in sight. This was “just how it is.”

No doubt, life can pile up on us quickly—especially as a single parent. The demands can seem overwhelming, almost suffocating. In the crush to get things done, it is easy to lose sight of the greatest opportunity we are given: today. We get so consumed with doing tomorrow, that we fail at today. We fail to be the best mom or dad, the best cook, the best laundry folder, the best story-reader, the best homework helper, the best listener, the best brother or sister, the best son or daughter, or the best friend—right here, right now. We should forget about tomorrow and focus on today. Why? Because today, the present moment, is all we have. We should cherish it and live it to the fullest. Heck, most of the stuff we are worried about will either never happen or will work out just fine.

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

Originally posted 2014-10-30 06:00:04.

One day, I had taken my four-year-old to the park to play. He loves the swings, so he made a bee-line for them as soon as we got there. In his typical independent way, he wanted to learn how to “pump” his legs so he didn’t need me to push him anymore. The more he tried, the more frustrated he became.

Next to him was a little girl, roughly his same age. She was laying on the swing on her stomach running as far ahead a she could before her feet left the ground, giggling as she glided backward. My son heard her laughing and stopped to watch her. The longer he watched, the more the frown on his face turned into a smile as he sensed her joy. Then, to completely share in her joy, he jumped off the swing, came around behind it, laid down on it, and began doing the same run/glide swinging as his new-found friend. Soon, they were both running, gliding, and laughing together.

That is Christ’s invitation for you. When you are feeling particularly frustrated or sad, look to Christ and share in His joy. Receiving the Eucharist, praying in adoration, or listening to Christian music are some great ways to experience the contagion of Christ’s joy. It is a surefire way to turn any frown upside-down.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13

Originally posted 2013-10-29 11:00:38.