A feeling of dread came over me as I noticed the fat, overstuffed envelope crammed in my mailbox. It was yet another mailing from my attorney. They seemed to be coming almost daily. Somedays they were bills, and on other days they were copies of the many voluminous letters he was sending or receiving. No matter what was in them, they always filled me with anxiety and dread. This put me in a seemingly permanent state of despair. My world became increasing dark as my storm clouds never seemed to lift.

One day, in the midst of my funk, I dragged myself into my counselor’s office and unloaded. She listened patiently and then gave me some very helpful advice. She said, while I could not change my reality, I could change how I was thinking about it. She stressed that thoughts really do impact emotions, and I could improve my outlook by thinking differently. It sounded too simple. Yet, at her urging, I started thinking about ways I could make the best of the outcome of my divorce, whatever it was. If I lost custody of the kids, I would become a teacher at their school so I could see them daily. If I lost all my money, I would move into a small house and start over. If I lost my friends, I would lean on my loving family for support. Instead of focusing just on the negative, I would push myself to inject some positive thought into my anxious mind. It really helped. The bad news didn’t suddenly stop, but I felt more steady emotionally. I was now approaching each day with my chin up and a sturdier attitude. The sun started peeking out from behind my clouds.

Your mind is an amazing gift. How you use it can be the key difference between hope and despair. Choose hope!

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:8

Originally posted 2014-06-30 06:00:12.

Going through my divorce turned my world upside-down. I suddenly started to question everything in my life. What was true? Who could be trusted? It was like my life was thrust into darkness and I was stumbling around trying to gain my bearings. I would talk to anyone who I thought could help me: friends, family, co-workers–even my hairstylist–trying to get the nuggets of wisdom that would help me make sense of my now senseless life. Heck, I would even tune into Oprah hoping that she would say just the right thing that would end my madness. Sadly, not even Oprah could solve my problems.

Originally posted 2014-08-21 06:00:08.

Originally posted 2014-06-19 06:00:35.

In our Voices of Hope DVD, one of the participants, Marty, says, “If you are afraid, God can’t get to you.” It is a very emotionally charged moment as Marty is recalling his struggles dealing with the pain and suffering during his divorce. Marty is no softy. In fact, he is a big, burly guy. A “man’s man”, if you will. Yet, he is choking back tears as he describes his experience. Fear is that powerful.

Marty makes a very vivid point: fear prevents Christ from working in your life. Fear is one of those emotions that can paralyze you and keep you frozen with despair. It robs you of the trust that is the foundation of faith–the very thing that Christ needs to work miracles. The tiniest whisper of faith can overcome the greatest fear. Christ said in the Gospels over and over, “Do not be afraid.”, for good reason. He knows how fear can build walls around hearts and keep Him at bay. Pray for the grace to trust more. Trust is the key to experiencing Christ’s endless love and mercy.

“Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” – Matthew 14:27

Originally posted 2014-12-22 06:00:14.

God never intended us to go through any life tragedy, especially one as monumental as divorce, simply relying on our own strength. Yet, so many people do. They either totally ignore God, or are completely ignorant of the promise He has made to always help them through difficult times (Hebrews 13:6). Sadly, the world is filled with these weary souls who now resign themselves to a life of hopelessness and pain. The truth is God accompanies us on every twist and turn through life, giving us everything we need to succeed. And the sacraments are the cornerstone of His success plan, especially the Eucharist. Those that have armed themselves with their faith, and strengthened themselves with the Eucharist, have a supernatural advantage in their battle; one that insures them of victory over hardship and despair. How could you not overcome the greatest odds, and be restored to the fullness of life, when you rely on the Creator of the Universe instead of your own wimpy, human self? Give yourself an unfair advantage in the battles life throws at you. Get Christ, unfiltered and undiluted, in the Eucharist, and He will be the source of all the strength you need.

If I am distracted, Holy Communion helps me to become recollected. If opportunities are offered each day to offend my God, I arm myself anew each day for the combat by the reception of the Eucharist. If I am in special need of light and prudence in order to discharge my burdensome duties, I draw nigh to my Savior and seek counsel and light from him. – St. Thomas More

Originally posted 2014-11-18 06:00:26.

Recently, I traveled out-of-town to a major American city. Fortunately, there was a Catholic Church within walking distance from my hotel. One morning, I arrived just as Mass was starting and slipped into a side pew. I was struck by two things. First, the incredible beauty of the church. The painted ceilings, marble columns, and stained glass were magnificent and filled me with awe. Second, was the extreme diversity of the people. I was surrounded by rich people, poor people, old people, young people, professionals, blue-collar laborers, blacks, whites, Asians and Hispanics – a real mishmash of people. Despite our differences, we were all sharing equally in God’s greatest expression of love for us: His Son fully present in the Eucharist.

This experience made me think about how God must view divorced Catholics. Each of us has our own story, our own experience, that makes us unique. Yet, God loves us all the same. He doesn’t distinguish between how long we were married, who was at fault, who was more committed to their marriage or their faith, or who suffered more. To Him, we all look the same, and we are all welcome in His House. Remember that the next time you feel a sense of shame about your divorce. We all belong to Him and His Church!

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. – 1 Corinthians 12:12

Originally posted 2014-12-18 06:00:56.

Life after my divorce was so uncertain and disorienting. So much had changed. Most of the familiar routines, people, and traditions disappeared. My life felt awkward, almost alien. It really was as if I had been dropped onto Mars. I spent most of my energy numbly fumbling around trying to make sense of the my new life’s landscape. I was lost. All I knew to do was to pray and cling to my Catholic faith.

Originally posted 2014-07-18 11:00:32.

“I hope she rots in Hell!” I screamed at God at the top of my lungs as I drove to work. I had just gotten done listening to my former spouse’s rationale on how our divorce would actually be “good for the kids.” I was so angry and hurt over the pain and distress I knew the divorce would shove into our innocent kids’ lives. They didn’t deserve it, and I felt so helpless to stop it. Too worked up to actually work, I decided to make a detour to my parish church. It was the only place I could go for peace and quiet. Plus, I knew I would not have to talk to anyone there; I could just be by myself for a while. When I arrived, Mass had just started. I slipped into the back and sat there numbly participating. As I walked up to receive communion, I hoped that no one would notice the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t help it. The divorce was shattering not only my life, but my kids’ lives as well. It was not fair! After receiving the Eucharist, I made it back to my pew and knelt to pray. I didn’t have any words. I just knelt and cried. Slowly, a strange feeling of peace filled me. It felt odd. It was such a contradiction to how I was feeling when I walked in. I got a real sense that, despite the storm raging around me, I was safe. It was comforting. I made this trip to Mass part of my morning routine. I looked forward to it each day. It was my port from the storm of divorce. Receiving the Eucharist gave me a tranquility that I desperately needed. Christ became the source of my strength at a time when I had none. Out of my desperation, I was reminded of the greatest gift available to Catholics: Jesus Christ fully present in the Eucharist. He is real. He is there. Receive him as often as possible.

Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. – Isaiah 41:10

Originally posted 2014-10-17 06:00:35.

It is hard to feel all warm and fuzzy when you are in the middle of a crisis, like divorce. Harder still is to comprehend that you are loved by someone you can’t even see. “If I am so loved, why am I going through this mess?” is a question that tends to feed our doubt. The reality is you are a victim of someone else’s free will, not God’s will. God created you out of His immense love, and He loves you forever. The Scriptures are essentially His love letters to you, reaching down through the ages trying to convince you of His faithful and unending love. Read them often. They are a constant reminder that even though you may not feel loved here on earth, you have God in Heaven who is endlessly pursuing you and doing everything possible to convince you that you are loved.

“Are not five sparrows sold for two small coins? Yet not one of them has escaped the notice of God. Even the hairs of your head have all been counted. Do not be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.” – Luke 12:6-7

Originally posted 2014-10-22 06:00:49.

One of the most frustrating aspects of going through a divorce (or any painful situation, really) is that as much as you would like, you can’t snap your fingers and make it all go away. It seems that just when you have solved one problem, or suffered through yet another emotional experience, there is another right behind it. Life can become a grind. This is when you can become hopeless and feel like God has abandoned you.

Guess what? God knows EVERYTHING. He knows everything that has happened to you (and everything that will), and He knows exactly how you are feeling. Because He honors your free will, he rarely comes in and saves you from yourself. What He does do is long for you to show your trust in Him by living your faith, especially on the really difficult days when you are not sure what you believe. Those are the days that you are not acting out of feelings, but out of your will. A will that chooses God over yourself. You see, God is in it with you for the long haul. He is with you day by day as you trudge through life trying to make it all make sense, battling frustration, hopelessness, and despair. When you muster the courage and obedience to live your faith, to believe even when you are not sure, and to act even when your feelings are telling you it’s not worth it, that’s when the blessings flow. This faithfulness is what God will reward everyday, even though you may not see it or feel it. It is only in the looking back that you can more clearly see how God has loved you all along the way.

I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me. – Galatians 2:19-20

Originally posted 2014-07-11 06:00:35.