When Christ was born over 2,000 years ago, He came bursting through the thin veil that separates Heaven and Earth. God designed the two realities to be separate, yet out of tremendous love for us, He intervened and sent His Son into our reality to save us from the mess we had created here on Earth. Well, as the saying goes, “The more things change, the more they stay the same,” certainly holds true for God’s feeble creatures. We still seem to find a way to make a mess of our lives and situations.

Since we live in our physical reality, it is hard to imagine what the spiritual reality is like. We are just too human, too anchored into the day-to-day aspects of living. We tend to understand living as “now” and Heaven as “later.” In truth, Earth and Heaven co-exist. God sent His Son long ago to save us because He could no longer bear to watch us wallowing in the misery we had created for ourselves. The great news is that He continues to send His Son—through the Eucharist. At every Mass, Christ once again smashes through the veil between Heaven and Earth to become physically present to us. It is like a mini-nativity each and every time. Whether you receive Him physically, or simply sit in His presence, His power to heal and save is just as potent today as it was that first Christmas. In the Eucharist, Christ continues to fulfill His mission to heal the wounded, love the unloved, and welcome the outcasts. Seek Christ in the Eucharist, and allow His reality to save you from distress and fill you will abundant hope and joy.

The angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all people. For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord.” – Luke 2:10-11

Originally posted 2014-12-08 06:00:30.

Life after my divorce was so uncertain and disorienting. So much had changed. Most of the familiar routines, people, and traditions disappeared. My life felt awkward, almost alien. It really was as if I had been dropped onto Mars. I spent most of my energy numbly fumbling around trying to make sense of the my new life’s landscape. I was lost. All I knew to do was to pray and cling to my Catholic faith.

Originally posted 2014-07-18 11:00:32.

One of the most frustrating aspects of going through a divorce (or any painful situation, really) is that as much as you would like, you can’t snap your fingers and make it all go away. It seems that just when you have solved one problem, or suffered through yet another emotional experience, there is another right behind it. Life can become a grind. This is when you can become hopeless and feel like God has abandoned you.

Guess what? God knows EVERYTHING. He knows everything that has happened to you (and everything that will), and He knows exactly how you are feeling. Because He honors your free will, he rarely comes in and saves you from yourself. What He does do is long for you to show your trust in Him by living your faith, especially on the really difficult days when you are not sure what you believe. Those are the days that you are not acting out of feelings, but out of your will. A will that chooses God over yourself. You see, God is in it with you for the long haul. He is with you day by day as you trudge through life trying to make it all make sense, battling frustration, hopelessness, and despair. When you muster the courage and obedience to live your faith, to believe even when you are not sure, and to act even when your feelings are telling you it’s not worth it, that’s when the blessings flow. This faithfulness is what God will reward everyday, even though you may not see it or feel it. It is only in the looking back that you can more clearly see how God has loved you all along the way.

I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me. – Galatians 2:19-20

Originally posted 2014-07-11 06:00:35.

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Those were the famous words that Jack Nicholson delivered so passionately in the movie A Few Good Men. And he was right. Many people can’t handle the truth, especially when it sheds light on poor choices or brings on consequences. This is often the case when a marriage ends in divorce. One spouse is usually trying to make the other spouse acknowledge and live the truth of their marriage vows. All too often, one of the two can’t handle (or live) that truth.

Just because one person refuses to accept the truth, doesn’t make it any less true. Thanks be to God! If the truth was only true if you believed it, you would have no foundation to build your life on. The truth is so desperately needed when someone is grappling with divorce. So often they have been surrounded by lies, or its kissing cousin, denial, for so long, confusion and uncertainty abound. Build you life on the truth of Jesus Christ; you will experience the clarity, certainty, and peace that comes with building your life on a foundation of rock.

“For this I was born and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice.” – John 18:37

Originally posted 2013-08-26 11:00:40.

Not long after my divorce was final, my former spouse and I had a rather cutting verbal exchange. It had something to do with the kids or money, I can’t quite remember. What I do remember is sitting in my car afterward with my head dropped down on my chest feeling very defeated. The two years prior to my divorce, and, now, even after my divorce, dealing with my former spouse was always unpleasant. It was like having to have a root canal– EVERY DAY. I remember thinking, “Okay, well, I guess this is just the way my life is always going to be from now on.” I could not imagine my life not being filled with angst and turmoil due to the difficult interactions with my spouse. It was depressing.

Fast forward ten+ years and fortunately things have gotten a lot better. Not perfect, but certainly much more cooperative and flexible. How did this happen? I made a decision to stop fighting and ended the war. It was hard at first because I had to hold my tongue and control my anger when my ex would follow the same old patterns of emotional guerrilla warfare. However, over time, my setting the example of not engaging in the fighting, actually taught my ex to do the same. It didn’t take too many verbal jabs that went without retaliation for my ex to figure out I was no longer going to play that game. I took the high road, and often times it was the hard road, but it made all the difference.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. ’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn the other one to him as well.” – Matthew 5:38-39

Originally posted 2014-07-23 06:00:31.

Marge was stuck. Her failing to let go and to forgive was causing her to relive the painful events of twenty years ago–everyday. She was stuck in the past, and it was robbing her of peace, joy, and even her physical health.

Our Lord gave us a roadmap to follow when we are wronged or persecuted. He taught us to pray for those who persecute us and to forgive them. While this can be very difficult, it is essential to freeing ourselves of our painful past and claiming the great life God created us for. Start by praying everyday for the grace you need to let go of the resentment and to forgive. Forgiveness is a process that takes time. Rely on the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation to give you strength. Don’t give up! It is the key to your emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being.

“You have heard this it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:43-44

Originally posted 2014-12-03 06:00:28.

I called to the Lord in my distress;
he answered and freed me.
The Lord is at my side; I do not fear.
what can man do against me?
The Lord is at my side as my helper:
I shall look down on my foes. – Psalm 118:5-7

Originally posted 2014-06-06 06:00:29.

I often equate going through a divorce to being in a severe car accident. In both cases you emerge very badly battered and wounded, one emotionally and the other physically. Just as it takes a significant amount of time to heal from the physical injuries of a car accident, it also takes significant time to heal emotionally from a divorce. I did not realize this when I jumped quickly into a relationship within weeks of my divorce being final. About six months into this relationship, I hit the wall. I simply could not give the amount of energy, sacrifice, and love that the relationship required. After much internal struggle, I realized the right thing to do was to end the relationship.

Originally posted 2014-11-10 06:00:57.

As I look back on those dark days, I now realize that God did not abandon me, far from it. While he didn’t show up physically at my door step offering to take care of me, what he did do was send his angels. People started appearing in my life that I either did not know, or had not seen in a long time, ready to help. I had a women from my kids’ school suddenly start to drop dinner by once a week. An old friend called out-of-the-blue and offered to help me with the kids. People at work started to pick up my slack when I had to be out for all the court proceedings. A dear friend made it a point to stop by once a week and take me out to lunch and patiently listen to my endless ranting. Then the emails and letters of encouragement started to pour in. No, God did not abandon me. He revealed his incredible mercy by sending his legions of angels to me in the form of all these people to look after me and walk with me in my darkest days. In all my pain, I just didn’t recognize it. Keep trusting in God, he is sure to send angels your way. My bet is that he already has.

For he commands his angels with regard to you, to guard you wherever you go. – Psalm 91:11

Originally posted 2014-06-27 06:00:24.

“I can’t believe I did that! Is this me?!,” exclaimed one of our workshop participants (we’ll call her Jayne) after sharing that she recently defended her ex-husband to her family. Evidently, Jayne’s family was giving her a rather hard time about her ex, and she responded by defending him in his absence. What surprised her was that she did not jump in on the slam-fest and give him a few good whacks of her own. Jayne added that for the year or two after her divorce, she would have readily pounced on any opportunity to criticize her ex. She was amazed that now she was doing just the opposite. It was as if she had an out-of-body experience and did not even recognize herself. Her excitement at this self-revelation was palpable.

Why was this? Why was Jayne in shock and awe over defending her ex? Why did she hardly recognize herself? Because she was not the same person she was at the time of her divorce. She had grown and evolved from the suffering that came with it. This is a clear example of the “good” that can come out of suffering. Jayne had grown in compassion, understanding, and (dare I say) even love, for her ex. All because she had suffered mightily from her divorce. The suffering changed her because she did not run from it. She embraced it and allowed it, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to transform her. She became more merciful toward her ex and had grown in wisdom, allowing her to better see the truth of her situation. In short, she became a better person.

Had she run from the pain and avoided the suffering, she would have become stuck in her own mud-pit of anger, self-pity and despair. Instead, she was transformed into a better person by the very thing that most people think would have ruined her. This is the benefit of suffering with a purpose. It is the same type of suffering that Christ did for us. When we allow our suffering to transform us and benefit others, we become like Christ. His suffering was not for nothing–it saved mankind. While our suffering probably won’t have as dramatic an effect, it can certainly help us and those we love, even those we struggle to love. The key is to lean into it. If you do, you will speed your recovery from divorce, grow in wisdom and compassion, and bless many lives.

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his footsteps. – 1 Peter 2:21

Originally posted 2014-05-22 06:00:48.