I was recently at an arcade with my children when I encountered Sean, a young 12-year-old boy.  He had approached my kids, who had nearly run out of money and tickets.  They had been conspiring as to how to combine their ticket-earnings to redeem for a toy which would be pleasing to both when Sean came up and simply gave them all of his tickets, and there were a lot — 300 in total.   Shocked and dismayed, I asked the boy to please reconsider.  Why would he give all of his tickets to strangers?  Sean revealed that the tickets meant nothing to him.  He said that he came to this arcade every weekend, to which my children gasped and interrupted,”LUCKY!”.  He said that he had played every game, won every toy and that frankly, he was bored with the whole thing.  So I asked him why he came back every weekend?  He then revealed the sad truth: his father was in an adjoining room playing poker.  Every Saturday night his dad handed him a wad of cash, sent him into the arcade and instructed him to have fun.  The sadness present in this child’s eyes broke my heart.  On the surface, he was at a child’s Mecca with unending games, snacks, prizes and excitement.  However, what this boy really wanted was a relationship with his dad.  He was incredibly lonely and his heart was aching to be loved.

Originally posted 2014-10-31 06:00:30.

“I need your help. My son is pulling out his eyebrows.” was the tearful plea from Meg, a woman in my Recovering from Divorce group. I knew that Meg and her former husband were having a very difficult time co-parenting their children. In fact, they were in a “hot war,” fighting pretty much each day. It was ugly, with lots of yelling, cursing, and screaming—usually in front of the kids. It was not uncommon for the police to have to be called to referee their disputes. The kids were caught squarely in their crossfire, creating many emotional wounds. Meg’s young son pulling out his eyebrows was the painful evidence. Understandably, Meg was desperate for a solution.

My advice to Meg was simple. I told her to forgive her former spouse and end the war. Her chin dropped in disbelief before going into a 10-minute dissertation listing all the reasons why it was impossible for her to forgive that “bleepity-bleep so-and-so.” I told her she only needed one reason, and it was a great one, her kids.  I explained forgiving their father was the greatest act of love she could offer them. It would stop the war and help her kids live a life free of all the anxiety their parents were raining down on them. It would also get them out of the middle and allow them to love each parent free from choosing sides. In short, her act of sacrificial love would breathe life into their emotionally battle-weary souls. Meg’s face softened from anger to hopefulness as she said, “You know, your right.” She set her jaw and walked away with a look of determination to do the right thing for her kids.

“Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me. For the one who is least among all of you is the one who is the greatest.” – Luke 9:48

Originally posted 2014-09-10 06:00:27.

“I’m scared, Daddy!” shouted my son above the din of man-made water rapids and squeals of about five hundred other kids. We were at a water park on a hot summer day, and we were making our way through the “Lazy River.” The problem for my son was that this part of the Lazy River offers a difficult choice. It branched off into two paths. One path was, well, lazy, while the other path was a surge of rapids, water eruptions, and lots of spraying water. For a five-year-old it was quite intimidating, and he was seeking the more calm and tranquil path. He couldn’t connect with the promise that, while more intense and intimidating, it was also the most exciting and rewarding part of the ride.

Life after divorce offers us two paths as well: our path and Christ’s path. So often we prefer our path. We want to live life on our terms, our timelines, and in our comfort-zone. We’ve been through hell and we would just rather coast through life at a pace, and on a path, of our choosing. Yet, Christ invites us down His path. A path that is often intimidating and more difficult because it requires us to follow through on what we profess to believe. It is one thing to say you are Catholic and an entirely different thing to really live it. Christ’s path challenges us to live His teachings, including the hard ones, like forgiveness, honesty, chastity, mercy, and love.

Christ never wants to leave you where you are. He is constantly urging you forward to live the amazing life He has planned for you, and to become the magnificent person He created you to be. His path will get you there. If you can surrender and allow yourself to be caught up in His current, you will come to see that your best life lies ahead of you, not behind you. Which path will you take?

I have come so that they might have life and have it more abundantly. – John 10:10

Originally posted 2014-09-02 06:00:43.

I have a Catholic prayer book that is over one hundred pages long. In  this book there is every imaginable prayer. Prayers you would expect, like prayers for healing, but also some you would not, like prayers for safety during bad weather. Catholics never seem to be at a loss for ready-made prayers. It is not uncommon to think that reciting these types of prayers is what praying is all about. Yet, prayer is so much more.

The focus of prayer is to talk to Christ and to allow Him to guide you. Successful prayer is any activity that helps you be more sensitized to what Christ wants you to know, and your open response back to Him letting him know your deepest needs, fears, and dreams. The result is a relationship with Christ that forms a deep trust. It is this trust that allows you to persevere through difficult times, gives you courage to act, and develop a heart like Christ, allowing you to love others as He loves you.  

“Now this is eternal life, that they should know you, the only true God, and the one whom you sent, Jesus Christ.” – John 17:3  

Originally posted 2014-09-12 06:00:38.

“This feels like a death,” I distinctly remember telling my mother on a very cold, and very lonely, November day, shortly after my divorce was filed. A divorce is a death—the death of a marriage. And with it comes all the same feelings of grief that are associated with a physical death. And like a physical death, a period of mourning follows the divorce. The loss of all the dreams, commitments, traditions, and intimate bonds that make up a marriage must be mourned in order for healing to occur.

Christ has a special place in His heart of those who are mourning. In His Sermon on the Mount, He said “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” The word “blessed” means “to set apart.” For those who are grieving the loss of their marriage, He is speaking directly to you. He has set you apart for an abundance of His healing mercy and love. You have a special place of honor in the heart of  The King. He has made it His mission to pay special attention to you during this difficult time and nurse you back to the fullness of life. Rest in His merciful arms and allow Him to carry your pain and heal your wounded heart.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

Originally posted 2015-01-02 06:00:19.

One evening, I was leaving a meeting at my parish, and was pulling out of my parking space, when I stopped dead in my tracks.  I had just realized that I walked out of the church and forgot to make a visit to Jesus. In every Catholic Church around the world, Jesus, in the form of the Eucharist, is present in the tabernacle. It is truly Jesus, not some symbol or sign. It is God, Creator of the Universe, Savior of the World, the Alpha and Omega, the Real Deal, always physically available to us. While this may be hard to get our minds around, over the centuries, so many have testified to this truth and its power.

My leaving the Church without taking a minute or two to kneel before Our Savior in thanksgiving and reverence was like ignoring my mother if she were waiting in the next room. While most would never ignore their mother, so many Catholics think nothing of ignoring Jesus in the tabernacle, leaving so much grace and love untapped. Your divorce or separation is a time in your life when you need Jesus more than ever. He waits patiently for you in the tabernacle aching to strengthen, encourage, and heal you. Take advantage of every opportunity you have to let Jesus love you from the tabernacle.

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst.” – John 6:35

Originally posted 2014-11-17 06:00:44.

I used to play a video game with my kids that required all sorts of heroic feats and superhuman strength to conquer the monsters, and overcome the overwhelming obstacles, that greeted you as you wove your way through various pursuits in search of a missing puzzle piece that would solve the riddle and win the game. It was very challenging, frustrating, and fun…I guess. I would often ask the kids after I met my untimely death, yet again, “Why am I doing this?” And they would emphatically reply, “So you will win!” I never did.

Many people’s lives are like that video game. They spend incredible amounts of energy and focus searching for the missing piece that they can snap into place and solve the riddle on how to be happy and satisfied. They weave their way through all kinds of pursuits, including material things, work obsessions, drinking, drugs, and relationships, never to find what they are looking for. If they only knew the solution to the riddle is simple: Jesus. He is the missing piece, and only He can satisfy the longings of the heart. It is as simple as that. Pursue Jesus by pursing your Catholic faith and you will find peace.

So turn from youthful desires and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord with purity of heart. – 2 Timothy 2:22

Originally posted 2014-11-24 06:00:15.

We too have a Father–a Heavenly Father–whom we can trust to never leave us and who loves us more than He loves himself.  He gave his only son for our redemption, after all. May we exude the same joy in all of our rocky circumstances, cultivated in an unwavering trust in the one we call Abba Father–Daddy.

“Therefore, whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the 
kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:4

Originally posted 2014-08-15 06:00:57.

Then, a very faint voice started to grow louder and louder in my head. It was as if I sat on the remote control to my TV and happened to land on the volume button. This almost imperceptible voice steadily grew into a roar that I could not ignore. I was searching for the “mute” button to silence my mind, but couldn’t find it. I kept hearing, “It’s not all about you.” I was so caught up in my own self-righteousness, I failed to even consider my ex’s own circumstances: the long hours on the job, the grind of the daily commute, the struggles to make ends meet, and the trying to spend time with the kids. Nope, it was all about me. I suddenly felt very small and petty.

It is so easy to get caught up in our own perspective and lose sight of the true meaning of life. Why are we even here? Is it just about meeting a schedule, making enough money, or finding our own personal satisfaction and happiness? Is that the sum total of life? No. It’s about love. That is the only yardstick God will use when we stand before Him. He will judge our lives simply by how well we loved—everyone—including our former spouse. In the end, it is all that really matters.

I came to learn that love doesn’t necessarily mean like. While I found my former spouse difficult to like, I was still called to love by being patient, understanding, and flexible. While sometimes very difficult to do, love is the pathway to peace here on Earth, and the key to eternal life with love personified: Jesus Christ.

“But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” – Luke 6:27-28

Originally posted 2014-10-27 06:00:29.

“I can’t forgive him, he’s not sorry for what he did.” was the response from Stacy when she was asked how she felt about forgiving her former spouse. She went on to explain that she thought that, just as in order to receive forgiveness from God for our sins we must be truly sorry, the person we must forgive must be equally sorry to be eligible for forgiveness. Right idea, wrong application. We must be sorry for our sins in order to be forgiven. However, forgiving someone else for their transgression is our decision, not theirs.

When we forgive someone, we benefit from the forgiveness, not the other person. They may never be aware that we have forgiven them. It doesn’t matter. Their ultimate forgiveness is between them and God. Forgiving someone is essential to our healing because it is an intentional letting go of all the hurt, anger, and injustice committed by the other person. While we would be justified in holding this person hostage to their transgression, our decision to let it all go is a great act of mercy that sets us free. Letting go of our “right” to retribution, frees us from our own self-induced bondage to the pain from the past. If we don’t let go, it saps the life out of us as we drag around this heavy burden. We get stuck in our past by reliving it everyday. And, like a wound that we keep pulling the scab off of, we never heal. The most loving act we can do for ourselves is to forgive those that have hurt us. Only then can we heal and be truly free to live and love.

Then Peter came up and said to Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. – Matthew 18:21-22

Originally posted 2014-12-16 06:00:28.