Going through my divorce turned my world upside-down. I suddenly started to question everything in my life. What was true? Who could be trusted? It was like my life was thrust into darkness and I was stumbling around trying to gain my bearings. I would talk to anyone who I thought could help me: friends, family, co-workers–even my hairstylist–trying to get the nuggets of wisdom that would help me make sense of my now senseless life. Heck, I would even tune into Oprah hoping that she would say just the right thing that would end my madness. Sadly, not even Oprah could solve my problems.

Originally posted 2014-08-21 06:00:08.

I was recently at an arcade with my children when I encountered Sean, a young 12-year-old boy.  He had approached my kids, who had nearly run out of money and tickets.  They had been conspiring as to how to combine their ticket-earnings to redeem for a toy which would be pleasing to both when Sean came up and simply gave them all of his tickets, and there were a lot — 300 in total.   Shocked and dismayed, I asked the boy to please reconsider.  Why would he give all of his tickets to strangers?  Sean revealed that the tickets meant nothing to him.  He said that he came to this arcade every weekend, to which my children gasped and interrupted,”LUCKY!”.  He said that he had played every game, won every toy and that frankly, he was bored with the whole thing.  So I asked him why he came back every weekend?  He then revealed the sad truth: his father was in an adjoining room playing poker.  Every Saturday night his dad handed him a wad of cash, sent him into the arcade and instructed him to have fun.  The sadness present in this child’s eyes broke my heart.  On the surface, he was at a child’s Mecca with unending games, snacks, prizes and excitement.  However, what this boy really wanted was a relationship with his dad.  He was incredibly lonely and his heart was aching to be loved.

Originally posted 2014-10-31 06:00:30.

I am talking to you–yes, you. You know who you are. You are scared and anxious. Your heart is heavy. It is a struggle to get through each day carrying around your worries and fears. Or, maybe you have convinced yourself that everything is fine, yet there is a nagging sense that it’s really not. You are trying to come to grips with the possibility that the rest of your life might be like this. You have always considered yourself a fairly optimistic person, but now you may be starting to lose hope. You wonder if this is what despair is like.

Want to know why you are feeling this way? Want it to stop? If you are nodding your head yes, keep reading. The reason you are feeling this way is because you are putting all your faith and trust in yourself. Oh, sure, in your head you may be telling yourself that you are trusting God, but deep down you really are still putting all your faith in you. You reach out to God like you play the lottery, hoping you will hit it big and all your problems will disappear, all the while mentally preparing yourself to do it all on your own. Unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways.

Putting all your trust in yourself is the source of anxiety and fear. While your conscious mind might be psyching you up to believe that you can handle everything on your own, deep down you know you can’t. The anxiety and fear you experience are the symptoms of this internal conflict. To find peace, acknowledge (even say out loud) that you can’t do it on your own, that you don’t know what to do, and that you really need help. Then, (here’s the important part) surrender control of your life over to Christ. Give Him every single bit and piece of your life–every worry, every fear, every pain, and every dream. Throw yourself at His feet and grab hold and never let go. He GUARANTEES (that’s a pretty strong word) that He will never let you down. Once you really trust in Him and not yourself, peace will begin to flow through your life like a river. I am not saying that suddenly everything will become a piece of cake. No, what I am saying is that when you put all your trust in Christ, you are aligning your life with the reality that you are not God and that you need the One who made you to fully live. Living that Truth creates a relationship, and in that relationship is peace.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Originally posted 2014-06-04 06:00:30.

The Catholic Church is the source of Christ’s truth. While you may not always understand or agree with that truth, it is the truth nonetheless. Because it is of God, the truth has, by its very nature, a healing and comforting aspect to it. Although sometimes difficult, the truth will always lead you to the right place-a place of peace. If you are feeling the desire to distance yourself from the Church, you are moving away from the very thing that will bring you the abundant peace and joy you are seeking. As you reflect and discern the impact of your divorce or separation on the rest of your life, it is best to remain engaged with the Church, her Sacraments, her teaching, and her community. So, go to Mass, go to reconciliation, go to adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament (if available), seek out (or start) a divorce ministry, stay plugged into your faith and your Church. The Church needs you!

Blessed is the man who does not walk
in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the way of sinners,
nor sit in company with scoffers.
Rather, the law of the LORD is his joy;
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted near streams of water,
that yields its fruit in season;
Its leaves never wither; whatever he does prospers.
Psalm 1:1-3

Originally posted 2014-12-26 06:00:32.

“I hope she rots in Hell!” I screamed at God at the top of my lungs as I drove to work. I had just gotten done listening to my former spouse’s rationale on how our divorce would actually be “good for the kids.” I was so angry and hurt over the pain and distress I knew the divorce would shove into our innocent kids’ lives. They didn’t deserve it, and I felt so helpless to stop it. Too worked up to actually work, I decided to make a detour to my parish church. It was the only place I could go for peace and quiet. Plus, I knew I would not have to talk to anyone there; I could just be by myself for a while. When I arrived, Mass had just started. I slipped into the back and sat there numbly participating. As I walked up to receive communion, I hoped that no one would notice the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t help it. The divorce was shattering not only my life, but my kids’ lives as well. It was not fair! After receiving the Eucharist, I made it back to my pew and knelt to pray. I didn’t have any words. I just knelt and cried. Slowly, a strange feeling of peace filled me. It felt odd. It was such a contradiction to how I was feeling when I walked in. I got a real sense that, despite the storm raging around me, I was safe. It was comforting. I made this trip to Mass part of my morning routine. I looked forward to it each day. It was my port from the storm of divorce. Receiving the Eucharist gave me a tranquility that I desperately needed. Christ became the source of my strength at a time when I had none. Out of my desperation, I was reminded of the greatest gift available to Catholics: Jesus Christ fully present in the Eucharist. He is real. He is there. Receive him as often as possible.

Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. – Isaiah 41:10

Originally posted 2014-10-17 06:00:35.

So often we play the same game with Our Lord. We do things and believe we can hide them from everyone, including Jesus. But the reality is that Jesus can see right through our attempts to hide our sins, our selfishness, or our pride. We often expend so much energy trying to hide them, but, just like my son’s game at McDonald’s, hiding is futile. Jesus taught us the way to handle our struggles with sin: surrender. He is calling you to come out of the shadows of shame and regret and to fall down at his feet and let go. Let go of all the things you have grown attached to that are wrong or sinful. Let go of the anger, let go of the lust, let go of the selfishness, let go of the pride. It is the only way to true lasting peace and joy.

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. – Luke 9:24

Originally posted 2014-06-24 06:00:43.

“You’re getting warmer!” my sister yelled from the other side of the yard — my heart beating faster in gleeful anticipation. My siblings and I were engrossed in one of our favorite childhood games. We would hide something, and then the one who was “it” would have to find the object with the help of being told when they were getting closer (“warmer”) or getting further away (“colder”). It was a roller coaster of emotion as you ping-ponged around desperately trying to find the hidden object before time ran out.

I think as adults we tend to play a similar game; however, the hidden object is our peace of mind. Our life circumstances, with all its demands, frustrations, and unplanned realities, hides our peace. We then spend an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to find it again. We seem to be perpetually restless, searching for the peace that we can’t ever quite seem to find.

As with the childhood game, our heart reacts depending on how close we are to living God’s will. The further away, the more restless we become. The closer, the more peace we experience.

The Holy Spirit will guide you to lasting peace. Through prayer and quiet reflection, you can “hear” the Holy Spirit as He continuously gives you guidance. Your heart is sure to grow warmer with peace the closer you come to living God’s will for you.

“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.” – John 16:13

Originally posted 2018-05-24 00:30:50.

About a year after my divorce was final, I was invited to go on a spiritual retreat. During the retreat I heard a talk about the need to forgive those who have hurt you. Well, I could definitely relate to the being hurt part, but, frankly, the thought of forgiving my ex just made me angry. I had been hurt too badly.

Since this was a spiritual retreat, and I was trying to be a good retreatant, I begrudgingly decided to give forgiveness a shot. I went into the chapel, and before the Blessed Sacrament, I began writing my forgiveness letter. Well, it started out harmless enough with my describing the forgiveness talk that had inspired me to write the letter. However, the more I wrote, the angrier I became. Suddenly, my “forgiveness” letter was anything but, filled with accusations and laments of “How could you do this to the kids and me?”, etc., etc. Finally, I gave up and just sat and stared at the Eucharist feeling angry and defeated. I couldn’t forgive her, and, frankly, I really didn’t want to.

Fast forward two years… I had not really thought too much about forgiving my ex since my botched attempt on my retreat. It did nag at me from time-to-time, especially when I focus on the words in the Our Father, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In my mind, I was still content to let my ex squirm under the weight of her guilt. Then one day I found out she had lost her job and was in danger of losing her apartment. I honestly felt bad for her. I spontaneously prayed a quick prayer to the Blessed Mother asking her to pray for my ex to find another job.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, it hit me. I actually prayed for my ex.  That seemed weird to me. Yet, I could not deny that it was an authentic prayer. I just couldn’t believe that I actually did it. That’s when I realized that I had forgiven my ex. I could not have prayed for her unless I had let go of my animosity and anger. I guess all my Our Fathers, receiving the Eucharist, and experiencing forgiveness myself in Reconciliation, had a cumulative effect. It was the Lord’s way of softening my heart, and giving me the graces I needed, to forgive the one person that had hurt me the most–something I could not imagine ever being able to do. You see, my past effort was a solo attempt and it failed. To really forgive requires the help of supernatural graces.

Forgiveness is absolutely essential for you to be able to recover from divorce. By not forgiving, you may get a sense of satisfaction or power by holding your ex hostage to their past mistakes, yet, in reality, you are holding yourself hostage to the past. The only way to heal and move forward is to forgive your ex. Doing so frees you of all the pain, anger, and self-righteousness that does nothing but anchor you down to your past. Don’t force it. Pray for the graces you need to forgive your ex, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you down this path. While it will take time, it will ultimately lead you to freedom, peace, and joy.

If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions. – Matthew 6:14-15   

Originally posted 2014-12-09 06:00:05.

If you could sum up my life as a math equation, here is what it would have looked like:

Hopelessness + Pain = Suffering

That was math I could definitely understand. I was living it everyday. Fortunately, Jesus taught me some new math. It looks like this:

Hopelessness + Pain + Jesus = New Life

You see, Jesus created a whole new equation for life. It was through His suffering and death on the cross that allowed for the resurrection. Without the cross, there is no resurrection, only suffering and death. With the cross, there is the resurrection and new life. A new life filled with hope, peace, and joy. His suffering meant my suffering could end. And so can yours. Give Jesus all of your suffering from the death of your marriage. Nail it to His cross. When you do, you will share in the new life of His resurrection; a life that frees you from pain and fills you with hope, peace, and joy.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who in his great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. – 1 Peter 1:3

Originally posted 2014-10-10 06:00:56.

When thoughts or inspirations hit you from out-of-the-blue, especially if they haunt you, don’t ignore them. That is usually a sign that the Holy Spirit is at work. Bring them into prayer and ask Our Lord for guidance. Ask him if these inspirations are from him. Seek spiritual direction from a priest or spiritual director. The feelings associated with the inspiration are also clues. Being afraid to do something is not a sound reason not to do it. Doing the right thing is often difficult and overwhelming. However, a lack of peace is not the same as fear. It is that equally haunting feeling that something is just not right, and is a warning sign that the inspiration is most likely not of God. Things of God bring a sense of peace with them.

The resistance you feel to God’s inspirations is often the friction from fear. Trusting in Christ is the lubricant. Once you surrender your fears and begin to really trust him, you will be amazed at how everything falls into place. That’s how Christ works. He rewards our surrender and trust with abundant peace and joy.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6

Originally posted 2014-07-28 06:00:56.