The low point in my divorce came on Christmas morning, about two months after my divorce was filed. I actually got a call from my attorney; he wanted to discuss some aspect of my divorce (he didn’t celebrate Christmas since he was Jewish). I remember getting off that call and thinking, “I will be so relieved when this is all over and I can patch my life back together.” Boy, was I setting my sights low!

Overwhelmed with the pain and intensity of my divorce, all I hoped for out of the rest of my life was to be free of emotional pain. I could not imagine anything greater than that. Little did I know, I was aiming far too low. Fortunately, God was aiming high — very high.

While I would have been satisfied simply to slug through the rest of my life, God had much, much greater plans for me. His plans included using my painful experiences to help tens of thousands of divorced Catholics all over the world, and, ultimately, to meet an incredible woman of faith, get married, blend two families into one, and have a total of seven kids, including the gift of our son. Many years later, as I look back on how God’s plan has played out in my life, I am still blown away.

When you are struggling to look into the future and see anything but a life hobbled by divorce, remember that God’s plans are always far greater than anything you can imagine. While you may be willing to settle for mediocrity, God is ready to give you a mind-blowing life filled with an abundance of peace, joy, purpose, and love. All you need to do is ask!

“Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.” – Mark 11:24

Originally posted 2018-06-07 00:30:15.

As a kid, I can remember watching the old Frankenstein movie, starring Boris Karloff. The part where Frankenstein came to life and sat up with screams of “It’s alive!” from the mad scientist always scared my socks off. Not only was Frankenstein scary looking, his actually coming to life seemed very implausible. It was always a shocker when the impossible became possible.

Like an old movie, we can see Jesus as something from the past. We hear all the stories from the Gospels retold every week. We see pictures, crucifixes, and statues portraying Him. We even see movies about Him. He can easily become just a historical figure who lived 2,000 years ago. After all, His life makes for a great “good overcomes evil” story with the hero conquering certain death. Unlike Frankenstein, Jesus is a true story. Like Frankenstein, Jesus came back to life (and shocked his fair share of people, too!) Fortunately, the story didn’t end there. It continues to unfold every day. You see, Jesus is still alive. He is present in the Eucharist. He is experienced in the Sacraments. He makes Himself known to us when we pray, and through events and other people. He is a living God. Reach out to Him and expect Him to come alive in your life.

Jesus said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” – Matthew 16:15-16

Originally posted 2015-01-16 06:00:01.

During my divorce I heard all kinds of ridiculous lies about me from my ex’s inner circle. Listening to them, you would have thought I was a maniacal, substance abusing, child beating, deadbeat. Sometimes, I found myself worrying that the judge might actually believe some of those blatant lies. I was in a custody battle and it was very important I demonstrate that I was the parent best suited to raise the children. Any “black mark” could cause me to lose custody. Ultimately, the fate of my kids rested in the hands of the judge.

Not surprisingly, my custody battle was a time of intense prayer. I would bring the latest lie that was circulating about me to the Lord and cry out for help. The light I consistently got was “Rest in the truth.” If I were to lose custody it was going to be because of the truth and not some trumped up lies. The fight for custody became quite intense and we ended up in court. My ex’s attorney attacked me during my cross examination throwing as many lies at me as he could. I was given the graces I needed to tell the truth, even if it might not have been the most favorable to me. The truth became my nuclear weapon that would vaporize the many lies. God lives in truth, and I was staking my kids future on that. In the end, the truth prevailed and I was awarded custody.

When in a situation where people are telling lies about you, it is normal to become very alarmed. Of course you worry that others might actually believe that stuff. Trust that the truth is your most powerful weapon to combat the lies and will shine a bright light in the darkness of deceit.

Blessed are those
who walk hand in hand
with goodness,
who stand beside virtue,
who sit in the seat of truth;
For their delight is in the Spirit of Love,
and in Love’s heart they dwell
day and night.
They are like trees planted by
streams of water,
that yield fruit in due season,
and their leaves flourish;
And in all that they do, they give life.
The unloving are not so;
they are like dandelions which
the wind blows away.
Turning from the Heart of Love
they will know suffering and pain.
They will be isolated from wisdom;
for Love knows the way of truth,
the way of ignorance will perish.

Psalm 1 from Psalms for Praying, by Nan C. Merrill

Originally posted 2014-05-01 06:00:55.

I thought that once my divorce was final, life would get back to some sense of normal and most of my divorce-related struggles would disappear. Yeah, right. I quickly discovered that the primary change was the types of struggles I faced, not struggles themselves.  

My main struggle initially was committing to a chaste lifestyle. That one would routinely challenge me during the first year or two after my divorce. But, I had others, too, like dealing with anger at my former spouse, and being patient with my kids after a long day as a single parent. I even had difficulty trusting God and fully living my faith. Each time I would fail to rise up and overcome the challenge of the moment, I always felt disgusted and angry with myself.  

A priest suggested that I start praying for the graces to have the strength to overcome my challenges. He suggested I say a quick prayer each time I was feeling particularly challenged. If I had the presence of mind, I would pray the Our Father, but usually it was a simple, “Lord help me!” It really helped. While I didn’t respond properly every time, I did respond properly more often than not. I more readily overcame my temptations, held my tongue with my ex, and was able to see my kids misbehaving as just a signal that they needed a hug instead of a timeout. Now instead of feeling disgusted and angry with myself, I actually felt good about the way I handled my challenges. Going through a divorce, and being divorced, brings its share of challenges. I learned that I was not going it alone. I learned how to use the amazing power of prayer to give me strength when I needed it most.

Pray without ceasing. – 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Originally posted 2014-07-22 06:00:26.

Marge was stuck. Her failing to let go and to forgive was causing her to relive the painful events of twenty years ago–everyday. She was stuck in the past, and it was robbing her of peace, joy, and even her physical health.

Our Lord gave us a roadmap to follow when we are wronged or persecuted. He taught us to pray for those who persecute us and to forgive them. While this can be very difficult, it is essential to freeing ourselves of our painful past and claiming the great life God created us for. Start by praying everyday for the grace you need to let go of the resentment and to forgive. Forgiveness is a process that takes time. Rely on the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation to give you strength. Don’t give up! It is the key to your emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being.

“You have heard this it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:43-44

Originally posted 2014-12-03 06:00:28.

Many of us approach our relationship with God the same way. We expect to request and to receive, and nothing more. God has become our personal genie to fulfill our every request. Our relationship with God becomes largely a transactional one. We ask. He gives. Transaction completed. Sadly, this approach drastically limits the power of God to work in our lives. We limit our expectations to getting only what we ask for, and nothing more.

Instead, we should take a relational approach with God. Like a parent to their children, we must understand that God is always engaged in our lives seeking our greater good, whether we want it, or ask for it. If only teenagers understood how much more their parents are willing to give them. Yet, they tend to pull close to their parents when they want something, and push them away when they don’t. The relationship becomes like a yo-yo.

Don’t let that happen with God. Strive to keep Him ever-present in your mind and your life. Try to develop the habit of prayer throughout your day by sprinkling your day with heart-felt conversations with God, moments of quiet reflection, and an awareness for how God is working in your life. When you do, your relationship with God deepens. In turn, your awareness of His immense love and concern for you grows. He no longer is your genie. He becomes your closest friend, most trusted advisor, and greatest advocate.

I trust in you, Lord; I say “You are my God.” My destiny is in your hands. – Psalm 31:15-16

Originally posted 2014-09-11 06:00:19.

“Ouch!”, my three-year-old daughter cried as I tried to dig the back of her pierced earring out of her earlobe. Evidently, the earrings had been left in her earlobes for too long allowing the backs to close too tightly. While I was keeping calm for her sake, inside I was filled with anxiety. I felt like a loser as a parent, and I beat myself up inside for the oversight. How come I had not noticed this before? How could I let this happen? What kind of parent was I? For days, I felt so guilty for not noticing this sooner.

Life as a single parent can be all consuming. You are the first one up and the last one to bed. Sandwiched in between is a never-ending conveyor of tasks that must be done, many at the same time. It is easy to get distracted in the frenzy of each day. The same thing happens with our faith life. We are consumed by the pressures of life and our many anxieties, fears, and worries. This blinds us to how Jesus is working in our lives. He is walking with us through it all, yet we often don’t even recognize him. If this is you, don’t feel bad. This very same thing happened to the apostles after the resurrection. They too were blinded by their grief and anxiety and failed to recognize Jesus in their midst.

Jesus is just as present to us today as he was to the apostles. Only by taking time to pause from the crush of tasks and emotional stress that consumes us, can we recognize how Jesus is working in our lives, leading, encouraging, and helping us. Make time each day to put the world on hold and pray. When you do, you will then begin to notice all the many ways Jesus is showing up in your daily life. And, like the apostles upon recognizing Jesus, you will be filled with encouragement, courage, and joy.

“…The sheep hear his voice, as he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has driven out all his own, he walks ahead of them, and the sheep follow him, because they recognize his voice.” – John 10:3-4

Originally posted 2014-12-19 06:00:39.

One day, I had taken my four-year-old to the park to play. He loves the swings, so he made a bee-line for them as soon as we got there. In his typical independent way, he wanted to learn how to “pump” his legs so he didn’t need me to push him anymore. The more he tried, the more frustrated he became.

Next to him was a little girl, roughly his same age. She was laying on the swing on her stomach running as far ahead a she could before her feet left the ground, giggling as she glided backward. My son heard her laughing and stopped to watch her. The longer he watched, the more the frown on his face turned into a smile as he sensed her joy. Then, to completely share in her joy, he jumped off the swing, came around behind it, laid down on it, and began doing the same run/glide swinging as his new-found friend. Soon, they were both running, gliding, and laughing together.

That is Christ’s invitation for you. When you are feeling particularly frustrated or sad, look to Christ and share in His joy. Receiving the Eucharist, praying in adoration, or listening to Christian music are some great ways to experience the contagion of Christ’s joy. It is a surefire way to turn any frown upside-down.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13

Originally posted 2013-10-29 11:00:38.

If you can relate to this person, remember this: you were made for more–more than anything this world contains. You were made for God. Unless He becomes the focus of your pursuit, something else will take His place. And whatever that something is, it will never satisfy. Shifting your focus to God can be as simple as going to Mass more often, or going back to reconciliation after many years, or taking time to pray each day. Slowly, but surely, you will find the peace “that surpasses all understanding.” And you will want more.

Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hears and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7

Originally posted 2014-11-11 06:00:00.

The pain of divorce can be so intense that people turn to alcohol, drugs, even relationships, to find relief.  Sadly, this type of relief is only temporary. Ignoring this, they figure if one drink didn’t work, two will. If one pill helped, two would help even more. If one relationship didn’t last, the next one will. And so on. They become like squirrels scurrying around for acorns trying to find relief that lasts. No matter how hard they try, the hangovers, the groggy feelings, and the imitation love, leave them with nothing but regret.

As Catholics, we are claimed by Christ at our baptism. We are His, and no drink, drug, or shallow relationship can substitute.  Regret is the constant pull of our heart trying to draw us back to Him. Christ is the Real Deal. Only He can satisfy. Turn to Him in prayer and the Eucharist and experience relief that never fades. Anything else is just junk.

“I am the way and the truth and the life.” – John 14:6

Originally posted 2014-12-05 06:00:42.