In our Voices of Hope DVD, one of the participants, Marty, says, “If you are afraid, God can’t get to you.” It is a very emotionally charged moment as Marty is recalling his struggles dealing with the pain and suffering during his divorce. Marty is no softy. In fact, he is a big, burly guy. A “man’s man”, if you will. Yet, he is choking back tears as he describes his experience. Fear is that powerful.

Marty makes a very vivid point: fear prevents Christ from working in your life. Fear is one of those emotions that can paralyze you and keep you frozen with despair. It robs you of the trust that is the foundation of faith–the very thing that Christ needs to work miracles. The tiniest whisper of faith can overcome the greatest fear. Christ said in the Gospels over and over, “Do not be afraid.”, for good reason. He knows how fear can build walls around hearts and keep Him at bay. Pray for the grace to trust more. Trust is the key to experiencing Christ’s endless love and mercy.

“Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” – Matthew 14:27

Originally posted 2014-12-22 06:00:14.

The low point in my divorce came on Christmas morning, about two months after my divorce was filed. I actually got a call from my attorney; he wanted to discuss some aspect of my divorce (he didn’t celebrate Christmas since he was Jewish). I remember getting off that call and thinking, “I will be so relieved when this is all over and I can patch my life back together.” Boy, was I setting my sights low!

Overwhelmed with the pain and intensity of my divorce, all I hoped for out of the rest of my life was to be free of emotional pain. I could not imagine anything greater than that. Little did I know, I was aiming far too low. Fortunately, God was aiming high — very high.

While I would have been satisfied simply to slug through the rest of my life, God had much, much greater plans for me. His plans included using my painful experiences to help tens of thousands of divorced Catholics all over the world, and, ultimately, to meet an incredible woman of faith, get married, blend two families into one, and have a total of seven kids, including the gift of our son. Many years later, as I look back on how God’s plan has played out in my life, I am still blown away.

When you are struggling to look into the future and see anything but a life hobbled by divorce, remember that God’s plans are always far greater than anything you can imagine. While you may be willing to settle for mediocrity, God is ready to give you a mind-blowing life filled with an abundance of peace, joy, purpose, and love. All you need to do is ask!

“Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.” – Mark 11:24

Originally posted 2018-06-07 00:30:15.

Hope is often looked upon as a kind of luck. The “grease”, if you will, that helps you slide through difficult situations. We tell ourselves: “I hope I don’t run out of gas.”, or, “I hope I win the lottery.”, or, “I hope I am not alone the rest of my life.” Unfortunately, this is not hope, it’s wishful thinking. It is a frame-of-mind that is trying to brace for the potential of failure. It is a coping mechanism–a kind of mental psych-up. None of this is the hope that we are promised in Scripture.

Originally posted 2013-08-31 11:00:46.

I have a Catholic prayer book that is over one hundred pages long. In  this book there is every imaginable prayer. Prayers you would expect, like prayers for healing, but also some you would not, like prayers for safety during bad weather. Catholics never seem to be at a loss for ready-made prayers. It is not uncommon to think that reciting these types of prayers is what praying is all about. Yet, prayer is so much more.

The focus of prayer is to talk to Christ and to allow Him to guide you. Successful prayer is any activity that helps you be more sensitized to what Christ wants you to know, and your open response back to Him letting him know your deepest needs, fears, and dreams. The result is a relationship with Christ that forms a deep trust. It is this trust that allows you to persevere through difficult times, gives you courage to act, and develop a heart like Christ, allowing you to love others as He loves you.  

“Now this is eternal life, that they should know you, the only true God, and the one whom you sent, Jesus Christ.” – John 17:3  

Originally posted 2014-09-12 06:00:38.

I remember as a kid, my brother and I went rafting down a river by our house. We played this game where we would take turns going down this particular stretch of rapids in a raft. I would jump in the water, grab the rope, and navigate the raft through the rapids while my brother took a ride. I would then pull the raft back up to the top of the rapids and switch places. This would go on for hours until we were both exhausted. I distinctly remember that the trip down the river was certainly more exciting. It was also much easier because I was swimming with the current. The trip back up was so much more difficult because I was literally swimming upstream while pulling the raft and my brother.

The above story describes well our typical relationship with God. Unfortunately, we spend much of our time pushing back against His will. We want to do it our way and on our timeframe. This is like swimming upstream. It is very difficult and emotionally exhausting. When we follow God’s will, it doesn’t mean it is going to be easy. Like the rapids I had to navigate while pulling my brother, doing God’s will is often scary and uncertain. Yet, instead of fighting against the current of His will, we are carried along with it. God actually participates with us. This makes doing His will easier. Remember this as you hit various struggles in your life. If you find yourself overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted, chances are you are working against God’s will. Take your struggle into prayer and ask God to reveal His will. He is sure to guide you downstream to more peaceful waters.

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

Originally posted 2014-05-26 06:00:28.

 I came across a picture today that I had received of my nephew on his first day of second grade.  I was struck by his radiant smile and eyes shining with pride, purity, and eagerness as he faces another school year.  He is being raised by his grandparents.  Their adult daughter, my nephew’s mom, has chosen a very rocky path filled with drugs, boyfriends, and jail time.  I’m sure they would never had predicted that they would be raising a young child during the years when their peers are planning for retirement.  However, the selfless love, dedication, joy, and patience that they shower on this child of God is reflected and magnified in his unencumbered smile, beaming in this photo.  This boy trusts that he has a Nonna and Pappy who love him to the core, who will be there for him and never leave, and who love him more than they love themselves.  He trusts, therefore he exudes joy, despite the circumstances of his mere seven years.

We too have a Father–a Heavenly Father–who we can trust to never leave us and who loves us more than He loves himself.  He gave his only son for our redemption, after all. May we exude the same joy in all of our rocky circumstances, cultivated in an unwavering trust in the one we call Abba Father–Daddy.

Originally posted 2014-08-15 06:00:58.

I think this is a great metaphor for what divorce is like. We find ourselves lost in a very uncertain time in our lives. We have no idea what our future holds, and we are filled with fear. In many ways we are in a fight for our lives, too — a fight to preserve our life’s values.  And if we have children, a fight to preserve the best life for them as well. We become consumed with what we need to do to win the fight. We think everything depends on what we do. The truth is, just like Simba and Nala, we need a King to save us. Their king was Mufasa, our King is Christ.

How differently Simba and Nala would have reacted to getting lost if they had known that Mufasa would save them. Sure, they may have been anxious, but they would have navigated through the difficult time with a confidence that comes from trusting in their savior to come through for them. We must do the same. In our case, we do know how the story ends. We were given the spoiler 2,000 years ago when Christ died on the cross and saved us. Let this truth create an envelope of trust around you so you can take on the mighty challenges of divorce knowing, no matter what struggles you face, your Savior will come through for you in the end.

“I will never forsake you or abandon you.” – Hebrews 13:5

Originally posted 2014-09-04 06:00:12.

We too have a Father–a Heavenly Father–whom we can trust to never leave us and who loves us more than He loves himself.  He gave his only son for our redemption, after all. May we exude the same joy in all of our rocky circumstances, cultivated in an unwavering trust in the one we call Abba Father–Daddy.

“Therefore, whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the 
kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:4

Originally posted 2014-08-15 06:00:57.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by all the challenges of life, you are not alone. Even the apostles felt the same way, and they had Jesus walking and talking with them every day. In Mark’s Gospel account of the Jesus feeding the multitude (Mark 6:34-44), the apostles were totally overwhelmed with the prospect of having to feed over 5,000 people. They had no money, it was getting dark, and they were in the middle of nowhere. They did what most people would do in that situation: panic! You know the rest of the story. Jesus comes to their rescue by taking charge of the situation and feeds everyone by multiplying the bread and fish.

The apostles, blinded by their panic, failed to see that they had Jesus–God himself–right there with them. So instead of turning to Christ, they tried to solve the problem all on their own and basically gave up. We all tend to do the same thing. When the problems that result from separation and divorce overwhelm us, we tend to try to solve them all on our own, ignoring Christ, who is standing right next to us anxious to help. All we need to do is ask him and trust that he will help. Resolve today to turn to Christ first when the challenges and problems of life overwhelm you. Like the apostles, you will be amazed at how Christ, in his infinite love and mercy, will work in your life.

They all ate and were satisfied. – Mark 6:42

(c) Vince Frese

Originally posted 2011-01-04 11:13:18.

When people encounter a painful situation, they make one of two subconscious choices. They either stay and work through the situation, or they run from it. It is called “fight or flight.” Our society today is wired toward instant gratification. The underlying message promoted is anything that is going to take too long, or hurt too much, is considered bad and should be avoided. This conditions people to run (“flight”) from pain. All the above true stories are, at their core, examples of people who were running from the painful reality brought into their lives by divorce. It seemed easier, and less painful, to leave their problems behind by entering into a new marriage, or leaving town, or assuming a new identity. In the end, they all created more pain for themselves and their families–the very thing they were seeking to avoid.

Had these people placed their trust in God first, they would have been given the graces needed to patiently endure the painful difficulties. Working through the difficulty would have given God the opportunity to change them, heal them, and improve them. From the experience would have come a better perspective. This perspective would have helped them realize that God is with them always and has a unique and noble purpose for their lives. Instead, they pushed the eject button and short-circuited God’s great plan. When overwhelmed with the pain and difficulty of divorce, don’t run. Instead, turn to God, ask for the courage to endure, and trust He will deliver. It is the only way to lasting peace.

Wait on God, with patience, cling to him, forsake him not; thus will you be wise in all your ways. Accept whatever befalls you, when sorrowful, be steadfast, and in crushing misfortune be patient; For in fire gold and silver are tested, and worthy people in the crucible of humiliation. Trust God and God will help you; trust in him, and he will direct your way. – Sirach 2:2-6

Originally posted 2014-12-02 06:00:21.