“Why Daddy? Why did you and Mommy get a divorce?” was the question that hung in the air, asked with a voice that was filled with pain and confusion. I looked down to see my eight-year-old daughter’s tear-filled eyes looking up at me. My heart was tied in a knot, and I was speechless.

When a marriage fails, children, regardless of age, want to know why. That is a natural reaction to any tragedy. As people, we want to try and make sense out of the senseless. Just as naturally, we seek to give answers. It is a way of easing the pain and bringing some order out of chaos. If we can give a reason for the unthinkable, maybe then it will make sense…

One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is what to tell our children. Providing detailed answers to their questions can seem like a natural way to help. But is it? When those answers provide negative information about the other parent, we can be doing more harm than good. So often, the ears that are hearing the answers are not prepared to receive them.

A better strategy is to trust that God’s timing is perfect and information will be revealed at the proper time for all involved. Instead of dishing out all the dirt on the failures of the other parent, it is better to deflect the question to the other parent to give them an opportunity to answer. Even if they don’t provide full disclosure — or worse, provide misinformation — we can trust that God is ultimately in control and will reveal all that needs to be revealed in its proper time — His time.

For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light. – Mark 4:22

Originally posted 2018-03-15 00:30:05.

“I just want you to know how impressed I am with how well the girls are doing,” my former father-in-law said sincerely as he was handing me their luggage. I had met at a halfway point to pick the girls up from a weekend spent with their grandparents.

I must admit that I was surprised to hear such a compliment coming from someone who was clearly not on my side during the divorce. It had been five years since the divorce was final, and it felt good to hear someone recognize what I was sensing as well. The girls were doing great. They were vibrant, happy, and at peace. Life was good. Quite a turnaround from five years prior. A resurrection is the best way to describe it.

Through an outpouring of sacrificial love, the girls had experienced a complete resurrection from the death of divorce. Gone was the pain, fear, and uncertainty. In its place was a new life filled with hope, peace, and joy.

Our Lord offers the same gift of resurrection to each of us after divorce. Through His sacrificial love, He gives you the opportunity to live a new life. Allow Him to pour out His love to you in His sacraments, His Word, and His Church, and you too will experience a resurrection from divorce and the joy the comes with the new life!

We were indeed buried with him through baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might live in newness of life. – Romans 6:4

Originally posted 2018-04-05 00:30:57.

“You’re kidding, right?!” my neighbor said, frustration filling his voice. “My wife and I have a hard enough time keeping track of two kids, and, yet, you have it all together taking care of three kids by yourself. I don’t know how you do it.”

I had just walked up with my kids to their bus stop carrying two bags of canned goods for a school charity drive. My neighbor had forgotten about it and was upset with himself.

Honestly, I did not deserve the credit. While it may have appeared like I had it all together, most days I felt like all the plates I had spinning were going to come crashing down. And they would have if I were doing it all on my own. But looking back, I can clearly see that Our Lord was helping me every step of the way. My life was hanging in the balance of His grace, not my efforts.

Remember, you are never alone in your struggles. Our Lord is right there with you, surrounding you with His grace. So, the next time you are able to: be there to help with homework, miraculously rearrange your packed calendar to be there for your kid’s soccer game, put in a full day’s work and still make it home in time to cook dinner — in general doing the impossible each day — know that it is an abundance of His grace, not your efforts alone, that keep the plates spinning.

They that hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. – Isaiah 40:31

Originally posted 2018-04-26 00:30:48.

As a kid, I used to go fishing and swimming at a lake near our house during the summer. At night, the lights on the docks would flicker on automatically when it became dark. As if on cue, a swarm of bugs would appear and hover around the dock, attracted by the light.

Love is like that. When we love, its warmth and glow attract people to us.

One of the biggest concerns of divorce is its impact on our kids. We worry that the broken family will break our relationship with them. We worry that the separateness, that is our reality, will separate us from our children. We fear that they will drift off, never to return. The remedy is to love them. Your love will cast off a beacon that will attract them back. Love attracts. Love pulls together. Love heals.

Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:8

Originally posted 2018-05-31 00:30:50.