“Why Daddy? Why did you and Mommy get a divorce?” was the question that hung in the air, asked with a voice that was filled with pain and confusion. I looked down to see my eight-year-old daughter’s tear-filled eyes looking up at me. My heart was tied in a knot, and I was speechless.
When a marriage fails, children, regardless of age, want to know why. That is a natural reaction to any tragedy. As people, we want to try and make sense out of the senseless. Just as naturally, we seek to give answers. It is a way of easing the pain and bringing some order out of chaos. If we can give a reason for the unthinkable, maybe then it will make sense…
One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is what to tell our children. Providing detailed answers to their questions can seem like a natural way to help. But is it? When those answers provide negative information about the other parent, we can be doing more harm than good. So often, the ears that are hearing the answers are not prepared to receive them.
A better strategy is to trust that God’s timing is perfect and information will be revealed at the proper time for all involved. Instead of dishing out all the dirt on the failures of the other parent, it is better to deflect the question to the other parent to give them an opportunity to answer. Even if they don’t provide full disclosure — or worse, provide misinformation — we can trust that God is ultimately in control and will reveal all that needs to be revealed in its proper time — His time.
For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light. – Mark 4:22
Originally posted 2018-03-15 00:30:05.
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