I am talking to you–yes, you. You know who you are. You are scared and anxious. Your heart is heavy. It is a struggle to get through each day carrying around your worries and fears. Or, maybe you have convinced yourself that everything is fine, yet there is a nagging sense that it’s really not. You are trying to come to grips with the possibility that the rest of your life might be like this. You have always considered yourself a fairly optimistic person, but now you may be starting to lose hope. You wonder if this is what despair is like.

Want to know why you are feeling this way? Want it to stop? If you are nodding your head yes, keep reading. The reason you are feeling this way is because you are putting all your faith and trust in yourself. Oh, sure, in your head you may be telling yourself that you are trusting God, but deep down you really are still putting all your faith in you. You reach out to God like you play the lottery, hoping you will hit it big and all your problems will disappear, all the while mentally preparing yourself to do it all on your own. Unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways.

Putting all your trust in yourself is the source of anxiety and fear. While your conscious mind might be psyching you up to believe that you can handle everything on your own, deep down you know you can’t. The anxiety and fear you experience are the symptoms of this internal conflict. To find peace, acknowledge (even say out loud) that you can’t do it on your own, that you don’t know what to do, and that you really need help. Then, (here’s the important part) surrender control of your life over to Christ. Give Him every single bit and piece of your life–every worry, every fear, every pain, and every dream. Throw yourself at His feet and grab hold and never let go. He GUARANTEES (that’s a pretty strong word) that He will never let you down. Once you really trust in Him and not yourself, peace will begin to flow through your life like a river. I am not saying that suddenly everything will become a piece of cake. No, what I am saying is that when you put all your trust in Christ, you are aligning your life with the reality that you are not God and that you need the One who made you to fully live. Living that Truth creates a relationship, and in that relationship is peace.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Originally posted 2014-06-04 06:00:30.

At any given time, everyone has some aspect of their life that could be described as in “darkness.”  It could be physical darkness due to an illness with yourself or a loved one. It could be financial darkness due to the loss of a job. Or, it could be emotional darkness due to a divorce. Whatever your darkness is, it is sure to create a lot of fear and anxiety.

The great news is Jesus has provided a pathway out of the darkness: belief in Him. This belief is much more than a mental decision. It requires a total, complete, trust. The kind of clinging-to-the-scrap-of-wood-when-you’re-adrift-in-the-middle-of-a-stormy-sea trust. That piece of wood is your lifeline. Your life depends on it, and you are not letting go of it no matter what. That is the type of trust you must have in Christ. Coming out of darkness is not typically a single event where suddenly the dawn breaks and your world is filled with light. It is typically a process where gradually the darkness fades. It will take time. During this time, cling tightly to Christ and know that He will lead you out of your darkness. He is your lifeline.

“I came into the world as light, so that everyone who believes in me might not remain in darkness.” – John 12:46

Originally posted 2014-06-20 06:00:52.

God has a unique plan for each and everyone of us. He created us with a purpose, a purpose far greater and more noble than we usually can fathom. In fact, we tend to set our sights much lower, and settle for far less, than what God has planned for us.

When divorce hits we can lose sight of God’s plan. The divorce becomes our plan. We then spend our time, energy, and focus working the “divorce” plan. Being divorced becomes our life. It becomes who we are. We look at divorce as our life’s final destination, instead of a detour from something far greater. This is when divorce becomes our dead-end.

Thankfully, God never stops calling us back to His plan. Often times we ignore this. As a result, life becomes much more difficult than it has to be. If you find that you lack a sense of peace, that life has become a never-ending struggle, that you seem to be going in circles and getting nowhere, take a step back. More than likely, you are working your plan, instead of God’s. The struggle and heartache are indicators that you are working against God, not with Him.

Daily prayer, routine confession, and quiet time in front of the Eucharist, are great ways to tune into the Holy Spirit and allow Him to get you back on track. We all need a “realignment” from time-to-time as life, our fears, and our freewill, have a way of pulling us off track. Remember, God has a great plan for you–a plan filled with promise, peace, and joy. Living that plan may not always be easy, but not living it is sure to lead you to a dead-end.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

Originally posted 2014-05-19 06:00:01.

“I need your help. My son is pulling out his eyebrows.” was the tearful plea from Meg, a woman in my Recovering from Divorce group. I knew that Meg and her former husband were having a very difficult time co-parenting their children. In fact, they were in a “hot war,” fighting pretty much each day. It was ugly, with lots of yelling, cursing, and screaming—usually in front of the kids. It was not uncommon for the police to have to be called to referee their disputes. The kids were caught squarely in their crossfire, creating many emotional wounds. Meg’s young son pulling out his eyebrows was the painful evidence. Understandably, Meg was desperate for a solution.

My advice to Meg was simple. I told her to forgive her former spouse and end the war. Her chin dropped in disbelief before going into a 10-minute dissertation listing all the reasons why it was impossible for her to forgive that “bleepity-bleep so-and-so.” I told her she only needed one reason, and it was a great one, her kids.  I explained forgiving their father was the greatest act of love she could offer them. It would stop the war and help her kids live a life free of all the anxiety their parents were raining down on them. It would also get them out of the middle and allow them to love each parent free from choosing sides. In short, her act of sacrificial love would breathe life into their emotionally battle-weary souls. Meg’s face softened from anger to hopefulness as she said, “You know, your right.” She set her jaw and walked away with a look of determination to do the right thing for her kids.

“Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me. For the one who is least among all of you is the one who is the greatest.” – Luke 9:48

Originally posted 2014-09-10 06:00:27.

The low point in my divorce came on Christmas morning, about two months after my divorce was filed. I actually got a call from my attorney; he wanted to discuss some aspect of my divorce (he didn’t celebrate Christmas since he was Jewish). I remember getting off that call and thinking, “I will be so relieved when this is all over and I can patch my life back together.” Boy, was I setting my sights low!

Overwhelmed with the pain and intensity of my divorce, all I hoped for out of the rest of my life was to be free of emotional pain. I could not imagine anything greater than that. Little did I know, I was aiming far too low. Fortunately, God was aiming high — very high.

While I would have been satisfied simply to slug through the rest of my life, God had much, much greater plans for me. His plans included using my painful experiences to help tens of thousands of divorced Catholics all over the world, and, ultimately, to meet an incredible woman of faith, get married, blend two families into one, and have a total of seven kids, including the gift of our son. Many years later, as I look back on how God’s plan has played out in my life, I am still blown away.

When you are struggling to look into the future and see anything but a life hobbled by divorce, remember that God’s plans are always far greater than anything you can imagine. While you may be willing to settle for mediocrity, God is ready to give you a mind-blowing life filled with an abundance of peace, joy, purpose, and love. All you need to do is ask!

“Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.” – Mark 11:24

Originally posted 2018-06-07 00:30:15.

When Christ was born over 2,000 years ago, He came bursting through the thin veil that separates Heaven and Earth. God designed the two realities to be separate, yet out of tremendous love for us, He intervened and sent His Son into our reality to save us from the mess we had created here on Earth. Well, as the saying goes, “The more things change, the more they stay the same,” certainly holds true for God’s feeble creatures. We still seem to find a way to make a mess of our lives and situations.

Since we live in our physical reality, it is hard to imagine what the spiritual reality is like. We are just too human, too anchored into the day-to-day aspects of living. We tend to understand living as “now” and Heaven as “later.” In truth, Earth and Heaven co-exist. God sent His Son long ago to save us because He could no longer bear to watch us wallowing in the misery we had created for ourselves. The great news is that He continues to send His Son—through the Eucharist. At every Mass, Christ once again smashes through the veil between Heaven and Earth to become physically present to us. It is like a mini-nativity each and every time. Whether you receive Him physically, or simply sit in His presence, His power to heal and save is just as potent today as it was that first Christmas. In the Eucharist, Christ continues to fulfill His mission to heal the wounded, love the unloved, and welcome the outcasts. Seek Christ in the Eucharist, and allow His reality to save you from distress and fill you will abundant hope and joy.

The angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all people. For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord.” – Luke 2:10-11

Originally posted 2014-12-08 06:00:30.

If you ever have the privilege of going to Rome and visiting the many ancient Catholic churches, you will often see incredibly beautiful tapestries hanging from the walls.  Usually, these tapestries depict some scene from Scripture. These amazing tapestries were painstakingly made by hand with countless strands of thread. When they are all woven together, they create magnificent works of art that uplift and inspire. Ironically, if you turn one over and look at the back, what you see doesn’t resemble anything like the beautiful front. Often, it looks like a hodgepodge of threads that is actually quite ugly.

Originally posted 2013-07-09 06:00:26.

Life after my divorce was so uncertain and disorienting. So much had changed. Most of the familiar routines, people, and traditions disappeared. My life felt awkward, almost alien. It really was as if I had been dropped onto Mars. I spent most of my energy numbly fumbling around trying to make sense of the my new life’s landscape. I was lost. All I knew to do was to pray and cling to my Catholic faith.

Originally posted 2014-07-18 11:00:32.

“I hope she rots in Hell!” I screamed at God at the top of my lungs as I drove to work. I had just gotten done listening to my former spouse’s rationale on how our divorce would actually be “good for the kids.” I was so angry and hurt over the pain and distress I knew the divorce would shove into our innocent kids’ lives. They didn’t deserve it, and I felt so helpless to stop it. Too worked up to actually work, I decided to make a detour to my parish church. It was the only place I could go for peace and quiet. Plus, I knew I would not have to talk to anyone there; I could just be by myself for a while. When I arrived, Mass had just started. I slipped into the back and sat there numbly participating. As I walked up to receive communion, I hoped that no one would notice the tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn’t help it. The divorce was shattering not only my life, but my kids’ lives as well. It was not fair! After receiving the Eucharist, I made it back to my pew and knelt to pray. I didn’t have any words. I just knelt and cried. Slowly, a strange feeling of peace filled me. It felt odd. It was such a contradiction to how I was feeling when I walked in. I got a real sense that, despite the storm raging around me, I was safe. It was comforting. I made this trip to Mass part of my morning routine. I looked forward to it each day. It was my port from the storm of divorce. Receiving the Eucharist gave me a tranquility that I desperately needed. Christ became the source of my strength at a time when I had none. Out of my desperation, I was reminded of the greatest gift available to Catholics: Jesus Christ fully present in the Eucharist. He is real. He is there. Receive him as often as possible.

Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. – Isaiah 41:10

Originally posted 2014-10-17 06:00:35.

It is hard to feel all warm and fuzzy when you are in the middle of a crisis, like divorce. Harder still is to comprehend that you are loved by someone you can’t even see. “If I am so loved, why am I going through this mess?” is a question that tends to feed our doubt. The reality is you are a victim of someone else’s free will, not God’s will. God created you out of His immense love, and He loves you forever. The Scriptures are essentially His love letters to you, reaching down through the ages trying to convince you of His faithful and unending love. Read them often. They are a constant reminder that even though you may not feel loved here on earth, you have God in Heaven who is endlessly pursuing you and doing everything possible to convince you that you are loved.

“Are not five sparrows sold for two small coins? Yet not one of them has escaped the notice of God. Even the hairs of your head have all been counted. Do not be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.” – Luke 12:6-7

Originally posted 2014-10-22 06:00:49.