I go on a three-day, silent retreat each year. It is a very intense spiritual time, filled with much prayer and reflection. It never fails to refresh and renew my spirit and draw me closer to our amazing God. On one particular retreat, most of my thoughts and inspirations were centered on my children; it seemed to be the “theme” of my retreat. I was filled with deep gratitude for the incredible gifts they are to me, and I realized how much God must love me for entrusting them to me. I felt very blessed, and I wondered what I ever did to be worthy of them.

As I prayed in thanksgiving for my children, I couldn’t shake a recurring thought. I keep hearing, “precious and good, precious and good,” over and over in my mind. It was as if God put words to the feeling I carried in my heart for my children.

We are all God’s children. While I took the inspiration of “precious and good” as God’s reminder to me of my children, it was also His reminder of how He feels about His children-you and me. He does not focus on our sins and shortcomings. In His sight we are all “precious and good.” Remind yourself of that the next time you are feeling particularly shameful for some sin, or unloved by others. To God, you are always precious and good!

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name: you are mine.
When you pass through waters, I will be with you;
through rivers, you shall not be swept away.
When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned,
nor will flames consume you.” – Isaiah 43:1-2

Originally posted 2014-12-01 06:00:43.

Recently, I was digging through the camera roll on my iPad. I was trying to find a picture of one of my daughters when she was young to post on my Facebook page. For some crazy reason, the camera roll on my iPad has all my pictures going back to 1998 — the dawn of digital photography.

As I was scanning the pictures, I made a startling discovery. Since my iPad shows all the pictures grouped by year, I could see in the thumbnails a distinct difference of expressions on the faces of my kids as I scanned. The years leading up to my divorce were, for the most part, happy and smiling. The year of my divorce, and the year after my divorce, it was very apparent that they were not happy. Their smiles were gone; their eyes held the pain they were experiencing. It was very sad.

Yet, as I continued to scroll, you could begin to see a marked difference in their expressions. The smiles were returning and their eyes were filling with joy. This was not by accident. It was the result of my pouring my love into them, day by day, week after week, and it was the impact of countless prayers for their healing. Like a wilted house plant that receives extra care and attention, my kids began to blossom once again.

What do you want to be on your camera roll ten years from now? Sure, your pictures during your divorce will reflect the pain of that time, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. It is up to you the life you live from this point forward, and the resulting memories that will be captured forever in your photos.

If you really live your faith and invite Our Lord into your life, He will heal you. If you pour your love into your kids, you will help heal them. Should you do this, your camera roll will capture the miracle of healing that comes from a life — despite the divorce, despite the pain, and despite the fear — that has been lived in full trust of a God that will never abandon you, a God who so desperately wants to heal you and those you love, and a God who died to give you a life full of abundant peace and joy. So, what’s going to be on your camera roll?

Look to him that you may be radiant with joy, and your faces may not blush with shame. When the poor one called out, the LORD heard, and from all his distress he saved him. – Psalm 34:6-7

Originally posted 2016-04-29 16:04:32.

Originally posted 2014-09-08 06:00:29.

In our Voices of Hope DVD, one of the participants, Marty, says, “If you are afraid, God can’t get to you.” It is a very emotionally charged moment as Marty is recalling his struggles dealing with the pain and suffering during his divorce. Marty is no softy. In fact, he is a big, burly guy. A “man’s man”, if you will. Yet, he is choking back tears as he describes his experience. Fear is that powerful.

Marty makes a very vivid point: fear prevents Christ from working in your life. Fear is one of those emotions that can paralyze you and keep you frozen with despair. It robs you of the trust that is the foundation of faith–the very thing that Christ needs to work miracles. The tiniest whisper of faith can overcome the greatest fear. Christ said in the Gospels over and over, “Do not be afraid.”, for good reason. He knows how fear can build walls around hearts and keep Him at bay. Pray for the grace to trust more. Trust is the key to experiencing Christ’s endless love and mercy.

“Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” – Matthew 14:27

Originally posted 2014-12-22 06:00:14.

I am talking to you–yes, you. You know who you are. You are scared and anxious. Your heart is heavy. It is a struggle to get through each day carrying around your worries and fears. Or, maybe you have convinced yourself that everything is fine, yet there is a nagging sense that it’s really not. You are trying to come to grips with the possibility that the rest of your life might be like this. You have always considered yourself a fairly optimistic person, but now you may be starting to lose hope. You wonder if this is what despair is like.

Want to know why you are feeling this way? Want it to stop? If you are nodding your head yes, keep reading. The reason you are feeling this way is because you are putting all your faith and trust in yourself. Oh, sure, in your head you may be telling yourself that you are trusting God, but deep down you really are still putting all your faith in you. You reach out to God like you play the lottery, hoping you will hit it big and all your problems will disappear, all the while mentally preparing yourself to do it all on your own. Unfortunately, you can’t have it both ways.

Putting all your trust in yourself is the source of anxiety and fear. While your conscious mind might be psyching you up to believe that you can handle everything on your own, deep down you know you can’t. The anxiety and fear you experience are the symptoms of this internal conflict. To find peace, acknowledge (even say out loud) that you can’t do it on your own, that you don’t know what to do, and that you really need help. Then, (here’s the important part) surrender control of your life over to Christ. Give Him every single bit and piece of your life–every worry, every fear, every pain, and every dream. Throw yourself at His feet and grab hold and never let go. He GUARANTEES (that’s a pretty strong word) that He will never let you down. Once you really trust in Him and not yourself, peace will begin to flow through your life like a river. I am not saying that suddenly everything will become a piece of cake. No, what I am saying is that when you put all your trust in Christ, you are aligning your life with the reality that you are not God and that you need the One who made you to fully live. Living that Truth creates a relationship, and in that relationship is peace.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Originally posted 2014-06-04 06:00:30.

God never intended us to go through any life tragedy, especially one as monumental as divorce, simply relying on our own strength. Yet, so many people do. They either totally ignore God, or are completely ignorant of the promise He has made to always help them through difficult times (Hebrews 13:6). Sadly, the world is filled with these weary souls who now resign themselves to a life of hopelessness and pain. The truth is God accompanies us on every twist and turn through life, giving us everything we need to succeed. And the sacraments are the cornerstone of His success plan, especially the Eucharist. Those that have armed themselves with their faith, and strengthened themselves with the Eucharist, have a supernatural advantage in their battle; one that insures them of victory over hardship and despair. How could you not overcome the greatest odds, and be restored to the fullness of life, when you rely on the Creator of the Universe instead of your own wimpy, human self? Give yourself an unfair advantage in the battles life throws at you. Get Christ, unfiltered and undiluted, in the Eucharist, and He will be the source of all the strength you need.

If I am distracted, Holy Communion helps me to become recollected. If opportunities are offered each day to offend my God, I arm myself anew each day for the combat by the reception of the Eucharist. If I am in special need of light and prudence in order to discharge my burdensome duties, I draw nigh to my Savior and seek counsel and light from him. – St. Thomas More

Originally posted 2014-11-18 06:00:26.

At any given time, everyone has some aspect of their life that could be described as in “darkness.”  It could be physical darkness due to an illness with yourself or a loved one. It could be financial darkness due to the loss of a job. Or, it could be emotional darkness due to a divorce. Whatever your darkness is, it is sure to create a lot of fear and anxiety.

The great news is Jesus has provided a pathway out of the darkness: belief in Him. This belief is much more than a mental decision. It requires a total, complete, trust. The kind of clinging-to-the-scrap-of-wood-when-you’re-adrift-in-the-middle-of-a-stormy-sea trust. That piece of wood is your lifeline. Your life depends on it, and you are not letting go of it no matter what. That is the type of trust you must have in Christ. Coming out of darkness is not typically a single event where suddenly the dawn breaks and your world is filled with light. It is typically a process where gradually the darkness fades. It will take time. During this time, cling tightly to Christ and know that He will lead you out of your darkness. He is your lifeline.

“I came into the world as light, so that everyone who believes in me might not remain in darkness.” – John 12:46

Originally posted 2014-06-20 06:00:52.

God has a unique plan for each and everyone of us. He created us with a purpose, a purpose far greater and more noble than we usually can fathom. In fact, we tend to set our sights much lower, and settle for far less, than what God has planned for us.

When divorce hits we can lose sight of God’s plan. The divorce becomes our plan. We then spend our time, energy, and focus working the “divorce” plan. Being divorced becomes our life. It becomes who we are. We look at divorce as our life’s final destination, instead of a detour from something far greater. This is when divorce becomes our dead-end.

Thankfully, God never stops calling us back to His plan. Often times we ignore this. As a result, life becomes much more difficult than it has to be. If you find that you lack a sense of peace, that life has become a never-ending struggle, that you seem to be going in circles and getting nowhere, take a step back. More than likely, you are working your plan, instead of God’s. The struggle and heartache are indicators that you are working against God, not with Him.

Daily prayer, routine confession, and quiet time in front of the Eucharist, are great ways to tune into the Holy Spirit and allow Him to get you back on track. We all need a “realignment” from time-to-time as life, our fears, and our freewill, have a way of pulling us off track. Remember, God has a great plan for you–a plan filled with promise, peace, and joy. Living that plan may not always be easy, but not living it is sure to lead you to a dead-end.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

Originally posted 2014-05-19 06:00:01.

“I need your help. My son is pulling out his eyebrows.” was the tearful plea from Meg, a woman in my Recovering from Divorce group. I knew that Meg and her former husband were having a very difficult time co-parenting their children. In fact, they were in a “hot war,” fighting pretty much each day. It was ugly, with lots of yelling, cursing, and screaming—usually in front of the kids. It was not uncommon for the police to have to be called to referee their disputes. The kids were caught squarely in their crossfire, creating many emotional wounds. Meg’s young son pulling out his eyebrows was the painful evidence. Understandably, Meg was desperate for a solution.

My advice to Meg was simple. I told her to forgive her former spouse and end the war. Her chin dropped in disbelief before going into a 10-minute dissertation listing all the reasons why it was impossible for her to forgive that “bleepity-bleep so-and-so.” I told her she only needed one reason, and it was a great one, her kids.  I explained forgiving their father was the greatest act of love she could offer them. It would stop the war and help her kids live a life free of all the anxiety their parents were raining down on them. It would also get them out of the middle and allow them to love each parent free from choosing sides. In short, her act of sacrificial love would breathe life into their emotionally battle-weary souls. Meg’s face softened from anger to hopefulness as she said, “You know, your right.” She set her jaw and walked away with a look of determination to do the right thing for her kids.

“Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me. For the one who is least among all of you is the one who is the greatest.” – Luke 9:48

Originally posted 2014-09-10 06:00:27.

The low point in my divorce came on Christmas morning, about two months after my divorce was filed. I actually got a call from my attorney; he wanted to discuss some aspect of my divorce (he didn’t celebrate Christmas since he was Jewish). I remember getting off that call and thinking, “I will be so relieved when this is all over and I can patch my life back together.” Boy, was I setting my sights low!

Overwhelmed with the pain and intensity of my divorce, all I hoped for out of the rest of my life was to be free of emotional pain. I could not imagine anything greater than that. Little did I know, I was aiming far too low. Fortunately, God was aiming high — very high.

While I would have been satisfied simply to slug through the rest of my life, God had much, much greater plans for me. His plans included using my painful experiences to help tens of thousands of divorced Catholics all over the world, and, ultimately, to meet an incredible woman of faith, get married, blend two families into one, and have a total of seven kids, including the gift of our son. Many years later, as I look back on how God’s plan has played out in my life, I am still blown away.

When you are struggling to look into the future and see anything but a life hobbled by divorce, remember that God’s plans are always far greater than anything you can imagine. While you may be willing to settle for mediocrity, God is ready to give you a mind-blowing life filled with an abundance of peace, joy, purpose, and love. All you need to do is ask!

“Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.” – Mark 11:24

Originally posted 2018-06-07 00:30:15.