Vince FreseGod’s love and mercy – Vince Frese

Cursed?

Vince Frese — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 15:36:45 +0000

During a recent all-day workshop, I had repeated often my view that if one had to go through a divorce, it was a blessing to be Catholic. My point was that our Catholic faith offers so much hope and healing, particularly through the Sacraments, that to have to go through a divorce without them makes the experience so much more difficult. To my surprise, at the end of the workshop, a woman raised her hand and commented that her view of being divorced and Catholic had radically changed by hearing my viewpoint. She stated that before the workshop she felt it was a curse to be divorced and Catholic, given her understanding of the Church’s strict stance on divorce. Her relief and excitement now at being Catholic was obvious.

Our Catholic faith has very clear beliefs that have remained unchanged for 2,000 years. While this provides a bedrock of Truth to build our lives on, it is easy to focus on the dogma of our faith and lose sight of its purpose: to impart the boundless love and mercy of Jesus Christ. He created the Catholic Church, and its Sacraments, to be the channel to this love and mercy for all eternity. Sadly, many Catholics, divorced or not, don’t avail themselves of the Church’s precious, life-changing, gifts nearly enough. Jesus never intended you to go through life’s hardships, especially something as difficult as a divorce, alone. He is always there for you in the Catholic Church. Seek Him there and you will surely find His hope and healing.

“And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.” – Matthew 16:18

Originally posted 2014-06-19 06:00:35.

Mishmash

Vince Frese — Mon, 23 Feb 2026 22:58:31 +0000

Recently, I traveled out-of-town to a major American city. Fortunately, there was a Catholic Church within walking distance from my hotel. One morning, I arrived just as Mass was starting and slipped into a side pew. I was struck by two things. First, the incredible beauty of the church. The painted ceilings, marble columns, and stained glass were magnificent and filled me with awe. Second, was the extreme diversity of the people. I was surrounded by rich people, poor people, old people, young people, professionals, blue-collar laborers, blacks, whites, Asians and Hispanics – a real mishmash of people. Despite our differences, we were all sharing equally in God’s greatest expression of love for us: His Son fully present in the Eucharist.

This experience made me think about how God must view divorced Catholics. Each of us has our own story, our own experience, that makes us unique. Yet, God loves us all the same. He doesn’t distinguish between how long we were married, who was at fault, who was more committed to their marriage or their faith, or who suffered more. To Him, we all look the same, and we are all welcome in His House. Remember that the next time you feel a sense of shame about your divorce. We all belong to Him and His Church!

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. – 1 Corinthians 12:12

Originally posted 2014-12-18 06:00:56.

Long Haul

Vince Frese — Sat, 14 Feb 2026 21:05:12 +0000

“This generation is always looking for a quick fix.” spilled out of my mouth as I was sharing some parenting challenge with a friend. I was smug in my surety that I was different–that I was older and wiser. But the truth is, I’m really not. In fact, I think most people, no matter their age, are all looking for quick fixes to their problems. Who wants to suffer any longer than necessary? My typical reaction to painful situations is to “get me out of here!” That was certainly how I felt when I was going through my divorce and the challenging period after it was final.

One of the most frustrating aspects of going through a divorce (or any painful situation, really) is that as much as you would like, you can’t snap your fingers and make it all go away. It seems that just when you have solved one problem, or suffered through yet another emotional experience, there is another right behind it. Life can become a grind. This is when you can become hopeless and feel like God has abandoned you.

Guess what? God knows EVERYTHING. He knows everything that has happened to you (and everything that will), and He knows exactly how you are feeling. Because He honors your free will, he rarely comes in and saves you from yourself. What He does do is long for you to show your trust in Him by living your faith, especially on the really difficult days when you are not sure what you believe. Those are the days that you are not acting out of feelings, but out of your will. A will that chooses God over yourself. You see, God is in it with you for the long haul. He is with you day by day as you trudge through life trying to make it all make sense, battling frustration, hopelessness, and despair. When you muster the courage and obedience to live your faith, to believe even when you are not sure, and to act even when your feelings are telling you it’s not worth it, that’s when the blessings flow. This faithfulness is what God will reward everyday, even though you may not see it or feel it. It is only in the looking back that you can more clearly see how God has loved you all along the way.

I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me. – Galatians 2:19-20

Originally posted 2014-07-11 06:00:35.

Father Knows Best

vfrese@divorcedcatholic.org — Fri, 06 Feb 2026 19:33:24 +0000

At our house we have a standing requirement that all the kids’ cell phones stay in the kitchen when they go to bed. Boy, how the kids hate this rule! They make every excuse in the book as to why they need their cell phones in their bedroom at night. My favorite one is: “I must have my cell phone at night because I use it as an alarm clock, and if I don’t have my phone, I won’t wake up.” Like a good old-fashioned alarm clock (which they have) won’t work? Hmmm…. Of course the kids see this as a very oppressive rule drastically limiting their freedom. What they can’t see is that, while this rule is restrictive, its intent really is to help them. As their parents, we know it helps them avoid the temptation of texting their friends all hours of the night, playing games, and, in general, being distracted from getting a good night’s sleep–something critical for them to perform at their best the next day. What they see as oppressive is at its heart actually very helpful. And, while contrary to what my kids might think, this rule was created out of love for them. A love that only desires what is best for them, even if they don’t understand it or see it that way.

When you read the Catechism of our Catholic faith, you will certainly see that our faith also has many clearly defined requirements, guidelines, and, well, I guess you can call them, “rules.” Catholics seem to have a rule for everything. While these rules can be comforting, and give you trusted guidance as you navigate through life, they can also seem oppressive and punitive. This is especially true when you experience divorce. Suddenly, you have to abide by a set of doctrines that are unknown, unfamiliar, and might even seem downright unfair. This can add insult to injury, just at the time in your life when what you need more than anything is acceptance, encouragement, and support.

When you are feeling the burden of living your Catholic faith, try and look at it from a parent’s perspective. Pray for the wisdom to see past the rules and to understand the underlying abundant love your Heavenly Father has for you. A love that only wants what is best for you. A love that is made concrete by living your Catholic faith fully, even though it may be very difficult to do sometimes. Your Heavenly Father does not want to punish you with a bunch of rules; He wants to lead you to a life of abundance.

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give…” – Luke 11:13

Originally posted 2014-10-21 06:00:07.

Yo-Yo

vfrese@divorcedcatholic.org — Sat, 24 Jan 2026 17:02:28 +0000

Dealing with teenagers can be a real challenge. A typical teenager is concerned with one thing in their lives: themselves. As a result, they tend to make their relationship with their parents very transactional. They expect to request and to receive, and nothing more. Give them the car keys, and they are happy. Give them money for gas, the movies, or for clothes, and they are fulfilled. Ask them to clean-up their room, or watch their baby brother, and it is as if you have asked them for a pint of blood. It’s all about them.

Many of us approach our relationship with God the same way. We expect to request and to receive, and nothing more. God has become our personal genie to fulfill our every request. Our relationship with God becomes largely a transactional one. We ask. He gives. Transaction completed. Sadly, this approach drastically limits the power of God to work in our lives. We limit our expectations to getting only what we ask for, and nothing more.

Instead, we should take a relational approach with God. Like a parent to their children, we must understand that God is always engaged in our lives seeking our greater good, whether we want it, or ask for it. If only teenagers understood how much more their parents are willing to give them. Yet, they tend to pull close to their parents when they want something, and push them away when they don’t. The relationship becomes like a yo-yo.

Don’t let that happen with God. Strive to keep Him ever-present in your mind and your life. Try to develop the habit of prayer throughout your day by sprinkling your day with heart-felt conversations with God, moments of quiet reflection, and an awareness for how God is working in your life. When you do, your relationship with God deepens. In turn, your awareness of His immense love and concern for you grows. He no longer is your genie. He becomes your closest friend, most trusted advisor, and greatest advocate.

I trust in you, Lord; I say “You are my God.” My destiny is in your hands. – Psalm 31:15-16

Originally posted 2014-09-11 06:00:19.

Persevere

Vince Frese — Wed, 31 Dec 2025 12:04:16 +0000

Going through divorce often feels like a battle. Each day can be a fight just to keep your head above water, often doing the work of two people. All the while dealing with the extremely difficult emotional issues that a divorce invariably brings. It can be overwhelming and so discouraging. Recognize that the source of these struggles may not be just from this world–or your ex. The evil one delights in creating despair and disillusionment. He uses these emotions to make you doubt God’s love and draw you away from the very source of hope and healing. Jesus, on the other hand, is the encourager and protector of your soul. While suffering is certainly a part of life after divorce, Our Lord provides a way to persevere by offering His angels for strength and protection. Turn to them in your time of need. They can be powerful defenders in your battle with those whispering in your ear to give up.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in this day of battle! Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do thou, oh Prince of the Heavenly Hosts, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. – Prayer to St. Michael

Originally posted 2013-11-06 11:00:35.

Elbow Room

vfrese@divorcedcatholic.org — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 11:34:00 +0000

One time, my ex and I were butting heads over some custody issues. We had reached an impasse and neither of us was willing to budge. In my mind, issues regarding the well-being of the kids were non-negotiable. I tried everything I could think of to break the logjam. Nothing worked. After several weeks of wrangling, I remember sitting in my car and throwing my hands up in the air and yelling at God, “I have done everything I can think of. I have no clue what to do next. Help me!” And help He did. The very next day, my ex called me and agreed to cooperate with me. Given where we were the day before, I was shocked. To me, it was a miracle.

I fell into the very trap that so many fall into. When faced with a problem or dilemma, we fly into action and work and work to try and fix it. We can get so busy trying to make the problem go away, we squeeze God out of the situation. In all our hyperactivity, we block God from working. What we should do instead is back-off, acknowledge our weakness to God, and give Him some elbow room to work with us to find a solution. We don’t need to push every button and pull every lever. God knows much better than we do what is best. If only we gave Him a little room to work. Try it next time you are struggling with a problem. Invite God into the problem and step back and let Him work. You will be amazed at how much better things turn out.

For we rejoice when we are weak but you are strong. What we pray for is your improvement. – 2 Corinthians 13:9

Originally posted 2014-04-29 06:00:11.

Blessings

Vince Frese — Thu, 25 Dec 2025 10:56:40 +0000

“Singing is praying twice,” said St. Augustine. He understood that the power of music and song can lift our hearts and minds to God in ways that nothing else can. The song, “Blessings,” by Laura Story, is a wonderful example of this. This song speaks so beautifully to the truth that, even in our sufferings, God is present healing us and showering us with His mercy. I pray its truth resonates with you.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

You expired, Jesus, but the source of life gushed forth for souls, and the ocean of mercy opened up for the whole world. O Fount of Life, unfathomable Divine Mercy, envelop the whole world and empty Yourself out upon us. – Divine Mercy Chaplet

Originally posted 2014-08-11 06:00:28.

Joyful Anticipation

Vince Frese — Thu, 18 Dec 2025 09:45:34 +0000

During the throes of my divorce, I was in so much pain, all I could do was drag myself into daily Mass and sit there in an almost catatonic state. It hurt even to try and form the words to pray. I was completely overwhelmed. My feeble prayer was simply “Lord, please make all this stop. Please take my pain away.” That was my reality and that was all I could think about.

That happens to all of us when we are in extreme pain and distress. Our focus is on the here-and-now. Nothing else matters. We can hardly deal with today, let alone fathom tomorrow or next year. Our all-consuming struggle blinds us to the reality of God and His promises for us. It makes us forget that God is all powerful and all loving. Our earthly perspective masks our understanding and limits our faith. We fail to see how He can take any situation and bring good out of it. We tend to let our pain consume us, causing us to set our expectations very low. We are ready to settle for simply making the pain stop.

What we need to understand is that God’s plans for us are far, far greater than our expectations. His version of good is not the earthly standard for good, it is mind-blowingly great! If we could only get a more supernatural understanding of God’s infinite power and the limitless love that motivates all His plans, we would have a totally different attitude. We would live each day filled with joyful anticipation for how God is going to love us and manifest His goodness in our lives. This joyful anticipation would totally change the way we approach each day. We would anticipate–even expect–God to do great things in our lives. This would fill us with hope, making our pain more bearable, and our outlook more optimistic. I have seen time and again how I have sold God short in my life. I am so thankful that He doesn’t let my doubts get in the way of His plans for me.

To claim God’s promises and plans for you, give Him all your fears and pain and invite Him fully into your life. You will be amazed by how He loves you and reveals His amazing plans for you. Never underestimate the transforming power and love of our amazing God!

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans of welfare and not for evil, to you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

Originally posted 2013-10-03 11:00:52.

Snake Oil

Vince Frese — Sun, 14 Dec 2025 09:07:51 +0000

The world offers so many remedies for our emotional pain. Unfortunately, they are usually nothing more than snake oil, holding the promise of healing, but in the end are just an illusion. Jesus is the Real Deal, the Divine Physician, who wants to heal you of your pain and sorrow. While He came over 2,000 years ago, His healing power is still available to all who believe in Him. No one is shut out from His healing love. The key is to ask in faith, and trust in the depth of His love. He will never abandon you.

“I will never forsake or abandon you.” – Hebrews 13:5-6

Originally posted 2014-09-01 06:00:31.