I remember when I went through my divorce I was on “high alert” all the time. There were so many things happening all at once, not the least of which was a spouse who mounted a rather nasty legal battle. It seemed the more I did, the more I had to do. Compound that with being thrust into life as a single parent, and to say I was busy, was a gross understatement. It was all I could do to keep my nose above water. I was constantly doing, doing, doing. I felt like if I stopped to take a break, the many plates I was spinning would all come crashing down. I was stressed to the max.

I was like Martha in Luke’s Gospel (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was so burdened doing the many tasks that needed to be done that she failed to take time out for Jesus–the God of the Universe–when He was right there in her midst. Mary, her sister, on the other hand, recognized Christ and rested at his feet taking in all that he was saying. As a result, Mary was much more relaxed and at peace. We can all learn something from Mary. When life is hectic and starting to feel out of control, nestle up next to Jesus by reading Scripture, going to Eucharistic Adoration, or attending Mass. He is guaranteed to relieve your anxiety and stress.

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” – Luke 10:41-42

Originally posted 2014-10-14 06:00:47.

“Ouch!”, my three-year-old daughter cried as I tried to dig the back of her pierced earring out of her earlobe. Evidently, the earrings had been left in her earlobes for too long allowing the backs to close too tightly. While I was keeping calm for her sake, inside I was filled with anxiety. I felt like a loser as a parent, and I beat myself up inside for the oversight. How come I had not noticed this before? How could I let this happen? What kind of parent was I? For days, I felt so guilty for not noticing this sooner.

Life as a single parent can be all consuming. You are the first one up and the last one to bed. Sandwiched in between is a never-ending conveyor of tasks that must be done, many at the same time. It is easy to get distracted in the frenzy of each day. The same thing happens with our faith life. We are consumed by the pressures of life and our many anxieties, fears, and worries. This blinds us to how Jesus is working in our lives. He is walking with us through it all, yet we often don’t even recognize him. If this is you, don’t feel bad. This very same thing happened to the apostles after the resurrection. They too were blinded by their grief and anxiety and failed to recognize Jesus in their midst.

Jesus is just as present to us today as he was to the apostles. Only by taking time to pause from the crush of tasks and emotional stress that consumes us, can we recognize how Jesus is working in our lives, leading, encouraging, and helping us. Make time each day to put the world on hold and pray. When you do, you will then begin to notice all the many ways Jesus is showing up in your daily life. And, like the apostles upon recognizing Jesus, you will be filled with encouragement, courage, and joy.

“…The sheep hear his voice, as he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has driven out all his own, he walks ahead of them, and the sheep follow him, because they recognize his voice.” – John 10:3-4

Originally posted 2014-12-19 06:00:39.

My greatest lament during my divorce was the break up of my family. I knew in my heart that what was best for my kids was for them to be raised in an intact family by both parents. Because of the divorce, that dream was crushed. I felt so badly for my kids. I felt like they were going to suffer greatly without a “real” family. It broke my heart.

Even if I am to be poured as a libation upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. – Philippians 2:17

Originally posted 2013-07-30 23:03:53.

It was a Sunday evening, and the scene at my dinner table was anything but pleasant. The kids were all snapping at each other, had a hard time sitting still, and were picking at the dinner I had spent the better part of the afternoon preparing. The kids just got back from a weekend with my ex and I was really looking forward to seeing them and spending some quality time together before the bath-books-bed routine started. That was not to be. Unfortunately, this seemed to be the way it was whenever they came back from their weekend visits.

I came to realize that the kids’ behavior was driven by how they were feeling. Each time they would come back home from a visitation weekend would be a reminder to them of the reality that their parents were divorced. While they could not express their feelings, they were grieving the loss of the intact family they once had. Now, their reality was one of separateness, distance, and disruption. Every time they came home forced them to confront this reality, grieve over it, and adjust to it all in a span of one or two hours before bedtime. This reentry into a situation that they didn’t choose, or want, was so difficult for them. They were too young to put those feelings into words, so they would act them out in their agitated, unsettled behavior.

I learned to help them adjust with a few simple strategies. I would meet my ex at a neutral spot, usually a shopping center parking lot, to pick them up. The drive time home helped them begin to adjust. Since I picked them up on Sunday, we would typically go to evening mass before heading home. This, too, would give them time to ease back into their normal routine. (And, hey, having received the Blessed Sacrament always helps a grieving heart!) Before they left for the weekend, and again on the way to pick them up, I would offer them up in prayer to the Blessed Mother. Place your kids under her loving care, and rest in knowing that their innocent hearts are protected from pain, and they will be given the graces they need to adjust and accept whatever life brings their way.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence,  I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen. – Memorare

Originally posted 2014-12-04 06:00:57.

Since my kids had already been through so much turmoil, I really wanted their lives to be as stress-free and peaceful as possible. One way I wanted to do that was to put them on the school bus in the morning and be waiting for them at the bus stop in the afternoon. I believed that my being there for them each day would make them feel more secure during this difficult time. I remember that first year begging God for “just one year” of being there for them. Yes, I had to make sacrifices, but with God’s grace and help, I was able to keep my commitment. Seeing them waving goodbye through the bus window in the morning, and their smiling faces coming down the bus steps in the afternoon, made all the sacrifices worth it.

The following school year, I thanked God for allowing me the bus stop privilege, and once again begged Him for “just one more year.” He lovingly granted my request. Each year I would repeat my prayer, and each year God would fulfill it. As I reflect back on this, it is one of the things I am most grateful for as it helped smooth the transition back to normalcy for the kids.

What I realize now is how totally dependent on God I was. The odds were so stacked against me to make this happen. The only way was for God to have intervened. I can now see how He moved in my life every day to help me and the kids when we needed it most. It was almost as if he singled me out to love and help in His special way. I felt like His favorite. Truth be known, we are all His favorites, and He anxiously wants to bless each of us in abundance. No matter how difficult, or overwhelming, your circumstances, know with all your heart that you have a God who loves without limits and who yearns to help you. All you need to do is ask and trust in His abundant love.

And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. – Luke 11:9

Originally posted 2014-05-23 06:00:20.

My coworkers wanted to celebrate my divorce like I had just been set free from a POW camp. They were almost congratulating me for the failure of my marriage. On the outside I would humor them by going along with them, but inside I was dazed and confused. Here I was “single” again and totally unprepared for what that meant. Little did I know the rocky and winding path I would find myself on. My life was anything but easy as I tried to navigate the demands of a single parent, an ex-spouse, and life as a divorced Catholic. What I found is that I was constantly tempted to pursue and “live-up” my new single life like my coworkers and friends had expected. I didn’t want to disappoint them. It seemed they knew something I didn’t that gave them reason to be so happy for me. I just hadn’t quite figured out what that was, but boy was I trying. That meant dating, sexual intimacy, and late nights as I worked hard at living it up. Along with this pleasure seeking lifestyle came the day-to-day demands of raising three kids on my own, and trying (and usually failing) to work with my ex. Let’s just say that I was often not the most pleasant, or patient, person to be around.

Each time I would be sexually active, or be impatient with my kids, or fight with my ex, I was failing to be the follower of Christ that I professed to be. I fell short. Each sin was like mud being thrown on the windshield. It became harder and harder to see that I was getting further and further off track with where God was calling me to be. It happened so gradually, that it took a while before I realized my life was headed off a cliff.  Navigating my life was like trying to drive with a frost covered windshield. I had no idea what I was doing, or where I was going. My sin blinded me to promptings and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Only by God’s grace and His constant pursuit did I finally crash–right into a very loving and patient priest named Fr. John. Primarily through the power of reconciliation, Fr. John wiped the mud off my windshield allowing me to see clearly where I was going and helping me get my life back on the right road. Each time I would weave and careen my way back into the confessional, I would emerge with a clean soul and a clear view of where I needed to go. I am not sure if Fr. John ever realized just how fundamental he was to saving my life and restoring my hope. My prayer for you is that you have–or find–a Fr. John to help keep your windshield clean.

Jesus said to him in reply, “What do you want me to do for you?” The blind man replied to him, “Master, I want to see” Jesus told him, “Go your way; your faith has saved you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed him on the way. – Mark 10:51-52

Originally posted 2015-01-13 06:00:29.