I remember when I went through my divorce I was on “high alert” all the time. There were so many things happening all at once, not the least of which was a spouse who mounted a rather nasty legal battle. It seemed the more I did, the more I had to do. Compound that with being thrust into life as a single parent, and to say I was busy, was a gross understatement. It was all I could do to keep my nose above water. I was constantly doing, doing, doing. I felt like if I stopped to take a break, the many plates I was spinning would all come crashing down. I was stressed to the max.

I was like Martha in Luke’s Gospel (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was so burdened doing the many tasks that needed to be done that she failed to take time out for Jesus–the God of the Universe–when He was right there in her midst. Mary, her sister, on the other hand, recognized Christ and rested at his feet taking in all that he was saying. As a result, Mary was much more relaxed and at peace. We can all learn something from Mary. When life is hectic and starting to feel out of control, nestle up next to Jesus by reading Scripture, going to Eucharistic Adoration, or attending Mass. He is guaranteed to relieve your anxiety and stress.

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” – Luke 10:41-42

Originally posted 2014-10-14 06:00:47.

The list was quite long. It was my friend Sam’s list of all the things he wanted to make sure he got done during the week. He was beginning to panic as he thought about getting everything done while juggling work, parenting, and life commitments. Being a single-parent meant he had to do much of it on his own. It was not going to be easy. Just getting the kids to all their sports events for the week was going to require a minor miracle. And, he had not quite figured out how he was going to pull off the overnight trip to New York later in the week that work had booked for him. And that was just at the beginning of his list. Sam looked stressed to the max, and he readily admitted he saw no end in sight. This was “just how it is.”

No doubt, life can pile up on us quickly—especially as a single parent. The demands can seem overwhelming, almost suffocating. In the crush to get things done, it is easy to lose sight of the greatest opportunity we are given: today. We get so consumed with doing tomorrow, that we fail at today. We fail to be the best mom or dad, the best cook, the best laundry folder, the best story-reader, the best homework helper, the best listener, the best brother or sister, the best son or daughter, or the best friend—right here, right now. We should forget about tomorrow and focus on today. Why? Because today, the present moment, is all we have. We should cherish it and live it to the fullest. Heck, most of the stuff we are worried about will either never happen or will work out just fine.

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

Originally posted 2014-10-30 06:00:04.

“Ouch!”, my three-year-old daughter cried as I tried to dig the back of her pierced earring out of her earlobe. Evidently, the earrings had been left in her earlobes for too long allowing the backs to close too tightly. While I was keeping calm for her sake, inside I was filled with anxiety. I felt like a loser as a parent, and I beat myself up inside for the oversight. How come I had not noticed this before? How could I let this happen? What kind of parent was I? For days, I felt so guilty for not noticing this sooner.

Life as a single parent can be all consuming. You are the first one up and the last one to bed. Sandwiched in between is a never-ending conveyor of tasks that must be done, many at the same time. It is easy to get distracted in the frenzy of each day. The same thing happens with our faith life. We are consumed by the pressures of life and our many anxieties, fears, and worries. This blinds us to how Jesus is working in our lives. He is walking with us through it all, yet we often don’t even recognize him. If this is you, don’t feel bad. This very same thing happened to the apostles after the resurrection. They too were blinded by their grief and anxiety and failed to recognize Jesus in their midst.

Jesus is just as present to us today as he was to the apostles. Only by taking time to pause from the crush of tasks and emotional stress that consumes us, can we recognize how Jesus is working in our lives, leading, encouraging, and helping us. Make time each day to put the world on hold and pray. When you do, you will then begin to notice all the many ways Jesus is showing up in your daily life. And, like the apostles upon recognizing Jesus, you will be filled with encouragement, courage, and joy.

“…The sheep hear his voice, as he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has driven out all his own, he walks ahead of them, and the sheep follow him, because they recognize his voice.” – John 10:3-4

Originally posted 2014-12-19 06:00:39.

“Why Daddy? Why did you and Mommy get a divorce?” was the question that hung in the air, asked with a voice that was filled with pain and confusion. I looked down to see my eight-year-old daughter’s tear-filled eyes looking up at me. My heart was tied in a knot, and I was speechless.

When a marriage fails, children, regardless of age, want to know why. That is a natural reaction to any tragedy. As people, we want to try and make sense out of the senseless. Just as naturally, we seek to give answers. It is a way of easing the pain and bringing some order out of chaos. If we can give a reason for the unthinkable, maybe then it will make sense…

One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is what to tell our children. Providing detailed answers to their questions can seem like a natural way to help. But is it? When those answers provide negative information about the other parent, we can be doing more harm than good. So often, the ears that are hearing the answers are not prepared to receive them.

A better strategy is to trust that God’s timing is perfect and information will be revealed at the proper time for all involved. Instead of dishing out all the dirt on the failures of the other parent, it is better to deflect the question to the other parent to give them an opportunity to answer. Even if they don’t provide full disclosure — or worse, provide misinformation — we can trust that God is ultimately in control and will reveal all that needs to be revealed in its proper time — His time.

For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light. – Mark 4:22

Originally posted 2018-03-15 00:30:05.

My greatest lament during my divorce was the break up of my family. I knew in my heart that what was best for my kids was for them to be raised in an intact family by both parents. Because of the divorce, that dream was crushed. I felt so badly for my kids. I felt like they were going to suffer greatly without a “real” family. It broke my heart.

Even if I am to be poured as a libation upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. – Philippians 2:17

Originally posted 2013-07-30 23:03:53.

“I just want you to know how impressed I am with how well the girls are doing,” my former father-in-law said sincerely as he was handing me their luggage. I had met at a halfway point to pick the girls up from a weekend spent with their grandparents.

I must admit that I was surprised to hear such a compliment coming from someone who was clearly not on my side during the divorce. It had been five years since the divorce was final, and it felt good to hear someone recognize what I was sensing as well. The girls were doing great. They were vibrant, happy, and at peace. Life was good. Quite a turnaround from five years prior. A resurrection is the best way to describe it.

Through an outpouring of sacrificial love, the girls had experienced a complete resurrection from the death of divorce. Gone was the pain, fear, and uncertainty. In its place was a new life filled with hope, peace, and joy.

Our Lord offers the same gift of resurrection to each of us after divorce. Through His sacrificial love, He gives you the opportunity to live a new life. Allow Him to pour out His love to you in His sacraments, His Word, and His Church, and you too will experience a resurrection from divorce and the joy the comes with the new life!

We were indeed buried with him through baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might live in newness of life. – Romans 6:4

Originally posted 2018-04-05 00:30:57.

It was a Sunday evening, and the scene at my dinner table was anything but pleasant. The kids were all snapping at each other, had a hard time sitting still, and were picking at the dinner I had spent the better part of the afternoon preparing. The kids just got back from a weekend with my ex and I was really looking forward to seeing them and spending some quality time together before the bath-books-bed routine started. That was not to be. Unfortunately, this seemed to be the way it was whenever they came back from their weekend visits.

I came to realize that the kids’ behavior was driven by how they were feeling. Each time they would come back home from a visitation weekend would be a reminder to them of the reality that their parents were divorced. While they could not express their feelings, they were grieving the loss of the intact family they once had. Now, their reality was one of separateness, distance, and disruption. Every time they came home forced them to confront this reality, grieve over it, and adjust to it all in a span of one or two hours before bedtime. This reentry into a situation that they didn’t choose, or want, was so difficult for them. They were too young to put those feelings into words, so they would act them out in their agitated, unsettled behavior.

I learned to help them adjust with a few simple strategies. I would meet my ex at a neutral spot, usually a shopping center parking lot, to pick them up. The drive time home helped them begin to adjust. Since I picked them up on Sunday, we would typically go to evening mass before heading home. This, too, would give them time to ease back into their normal routine. (And, hey, having received the Blessed Sacrament always helps a grieving heart!) Before they left for the weekend, and again on the way to pick them up, I would offer them up in prayer to the Blessed Mother. Place your kids under her loving care, and rest in knowing that their innocent hearts are protected from pain, and they will be given the graces they need to adjust and accept whatever life brings their way.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence,  I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen. – Memorare

Originally posted 2014-12-04 06:00:57.

Since my kids had already been through so much turmoil, I really wanted their lives to be as stress-free and peaceful as possible. One way I wanted to do that was to put them on the school bus in the morning and be waiting for them at the bus stop in the afternoon. I believed that my being there for them each day would make them feel more secure during this difficult time. I remember that first year begging God for “just one year” of being there for them. Yes, I had to make sacrifices, but with God’s grace and help, I was able to keep my commitment. Seeing them waving goodbye through the bus window in the morning, and their smiling faces coming down the bus steps in the afternoon, made all the sacrifices worth it.

The following school year, I thanked God for allowing me the bus stop privilege, and once again begged Him for “just one more year.” He lovingly granted my request. Each year I would repeat my prayer, and each year God would fulfill it. As I reflect back on this, it is one of the things I am most grateful for as it helped smooth the transition back to normalcy for the kids.

What I realize now is how totally dependent on God I was. The odds were so stacked against me to make this happen. The only way was for God to have intervened. I can now see how He moved in my life every day to help me and the kids when we needed it most. It was almost as if he singled me out to love and help in His special way. I felt like His favorite. Truth be known, we are all His favorites, and He anxiously wants to bless each of us in abundance. No matter how difficult, or overwhelming, your circumstances, know with all your heart that you have a God who loves without limits and who yearns to help you. All you need to do is ask and trust in His abundant love.

And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. – Luke 11:9

Originally posted 2014-05-23 06:00:20.

When Jesus walked the earth, he went out of his way to embrace those that felt outcast by society. He sought them out. They were HIS people. He defended them, he cured them, and he loved them. He turned their shame into joy. Well, you are HIS people, too. Don’t ever forget that. So, the next time you are feeling the shame of your divorce, remember that Jesus sees past your circumstances and into your heart. He longs to remove whatever regret He finds there. To Him, you are his greatest treasure. Allow Him to wipe away any stain from your past so that you may become radiant with His joy!

Look to him that you may be radiant with joy, and your faces may not blush with shame. When the poor one called out, the LORD heard, and from all his distress he saved him. Psalm 34:6-7

Originally posted 2014-06-09 06:00:10.

“You’re kidding, right?!” my neighbor said, frustration filling his voice. “My wife and I have a hard enough time keeping track of two kids, and, yet, you have it all together taking care of three kids by yourself. I don’t know how you do it.”

I had just walked up with my kids to their bus stop carrying two bags of canned goods for a school charity drive. My neighbor had forgotten about it and was upset with himself.

Honestly, I did not deserve the credit. While it may have appeared like I had it all together, most days I felt like all the plates I had spinning were going to come crashing down. And they would have if I were doing it all on my own. But looking back, I can clearly see that Our Lord was helping me every step of the way. My life was hanging in the balance of His grace, not my efforts.

Remember, you are never alone in your struggles. Our Lord is right there with you, surrounding you with His grace. So, the next time you are able to: be there to help with homework, miraculously rearrange your packed calendar to be there for your kid’s soccer game, put in a full day’s work and still make it home in time to cook dinner — in general doing the impossible each day — know that it is an abundance of His grace, not your efforts alone, that keep the plates spinning.

They that hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. – Isaiah 40:31

Originally posted 2018-04-26 00:30:48.