God has a unique plan for each and everyone of us. He created us with a purpose, a purpose far greater and more noble than we usually can fathom. In fact, we tend to set our sights much lower, and settle for far less, than what God has planned for us.

When divorce hits we can lose sight of God’s plan. The divorce becomes our plan. We then spend our time, energy, and focus working the “divorce” plan. Being divorced becomes our life. It becomes who we are. We look at divorce as our life’s final destination, instead of a detour from something far greater. This is when divorce becomes our dead-end.

Thankfully, God never stops calling us back to His plan. Often times we ignore this. As a result, life becomes much more difficult than it has to be. If you find that you lack a sense of peace, that life has become a never-ending struggle, that you seem to be going in circles and getting nowhere, take a step back. More than likely, you are working your plan, instead of God’s. The struggle and heartache are indicators that you are working against God, not with Him.

Daily prayer, routine confession, and quiet time in front of the Eucharist, are great ways to tune into the Holy Spirit and allow Him to get you back on track. We all need a “realignment” from time-to-time as life, our fears, and our freewill, have a way of pulling us off track. Remember, God has a great plan for you–a plan filled with promise, peace, and joy. Living that plan may not always be easy, but not living it is sure to lead you to a dead-end.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

Originally posted 2014-05-19 06:00:01.

The low point in my divorce came on Christmas morning, about two months after my divorce was filed. I actually got a call from my attorney; he wanted to discuss some aspect of my divorce (he didn’t celebrate Christmas since he was Jewish). I remember getting off that call and thinking, “I will be so relieved when this is all over and I can patch my life back together.” Boy, was I setting my sights low!

Overwhelmed with the pain and intensity of my divorce, all I hoped for out of the rest of my life was to be free of emotional pain. I could not imagine anything greater than that. Little did I know, I was aiming far too low. Fortunately, God was aiming high — very high.

While I would have been satisfied simply to slug through the rest of my life, God had much, much greater plans for me. His plans included using my painful experiences to help tens of thousands of divorced Catholics all over the world, and, ultimately, to meet an incredible woman of faith, get married, blend two families into one, and have a total of seven kids, including the gift of our son. Many years later, as I look back on how God’s plan has played out in my life, I am still blown away.

When you are struggling to look into the future and see anything but a life hobbled by divorce, remember that God’s plans are always far greater than anything you can imagine. While you may be willing to settle for mediocrity, God is ready to give you a mind-blowing life filled with an abundance of peace, joy, purpose, and love. All you need to do is ask!

“Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.” – Mark 11:24

Originally posted 2018-06-07 00:30:15.

Going through a divorce can feel like a battle. You are constantly having to muster the strength to go up against some very difficult situations. Often times it seems like it is you against the world. It can be a very lonely and discouraging time.

Stand strong! Our faith teaches that we are not alone in our struggles. We have a God who promises over and over in the Scriptures that He will never abandon us. In fact, He promises that we can expect Him to step in and help just when we need it most. Our God is a faithful God who will never leave us hanging. Let this Truth encourage you in your daily struggle and give you courage, strength, and hope.

The word of the LORD came to me thus:
 Gird your loins;
     stand up and tell them
     all that I command you.
 Be not crushed on their account,
     as though I would leave you crushed before them;
 For it is I this day
     who have made you a fortified city,
 A pillar of iron, a wall of brass,
     against the whole land: 
 Against Judah’s kings and princes,
     against its priests and people.
 They will fight against you, but not prevail over you,
     for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord. – Jeremiah 1:17-19

Originally posted 2014-11-14 06:00:30.

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Those were the famous words that Jack Nicholson delivered so passionately in the movie A Few Good Men. And he was right. Many people can’t handle the truth, especially when it sheds light on poor choices or brings on consequences. This is often the case when a marriage ends in divorce. One spouse is usually trying to make the other spouse acknowledge and live the truth of their marriage vows. All too often, one of the two can’t handle (or live) that truth.

Just because one person refuses to accept the truth, doesn’t make it any less true. Thanks be to God! If the truth was only true if you believed it, you would have no foundation to build your life on. The truth is so desperately needed when someone is grappling with divorce. So often they have been surrounded by lies, or its kissing cousin, denial, for so long, confusion and uncertainty abound. Build you life on the truth of Jesus Christ; you will experience the clarity, certainty, and peace that comes with building your life on a foundation of rock.

“For this I was born and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice.” – John 18:37

Originally posted 2013-08-26 11:00:40.

Not long after my divorce was final, my former spouse and I had a rather cutting verbal exchange. It had something to do with the kids or money, I can’t quite remember. What I do remember is sitting in my car afterward with my head dropped down on my chest feeling very defeated. The two years prior to my divorce, and, now, even after my divorce, dealing with my former spouse was always unpleasant. It was like having to have a root canal– EVERY DAY. I remember thinking, “Okay, well, I guess this is just the way my life is always going to be from now on.” I could not imagine my life not being filled with angst and turmoil due to the difficult interactions with my spouse. It was depressing.

Fast forward ten+ years and fortunately things have gotten a lot better. Not perfect, but certainly much more cooperative and flexible. How did this happen? I made a decision to stop fighting and ended the war. It was hard at first because I had to hold my tongue and control my anger when my ex would follow the same old patterns of emotional guerrilla warfare. However, over time, my setting the example of not engaging in the fighting, actually taught my ex to do the same. It didn’t take too many verbal jabs that went without retaliation for my ex to figure out I was no longer going to play that game. I took the high road, and often times it was the hard road, but it made all the difference.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. ’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn the other one to him as well.” – Matthew 5:38-39

Originally posted 2014-07-23 06:00:31.

I often equate going through a divorce to being in a severe car accident. In both cases you emerge very badly battered and wounded, one emotionally and the other physically. Just as it takes a significant amount of time to heal from the physical injuries of a car accident, it also takes significant time to heal emotionally from a divorce. I did not realize this when I jumped quickly into a relationship within weeks of my divorce being final. About six months into this relationship, I hit the wall. I simply could not give the amount of energy, sacrifice, and love that the relationship required. After much internal struggle, I realized the right thing to do was to end the relationship.

Originally posted 2014-11-10 06:00:57.

Going through divorce often feels like a battle. Each day can be a fight just to keep your head above water, often doing the work of two people. All the while dealing with the extremely difficult emotional issues that a divorce invariably brings. It can be overwhelming and so discouraging. Recognize that the source of these struggles may not be just from this world–or your ex. The evil one delights in creating despair and disillusionment. He uses these emotions to make you doubt God’s love and draw you away from the very source of hope and healing. Jesus, on the other hand, is the encourager and protector of your soul. While suffering is certainly a part of life after divorce, Our Lord provides a way to persevere by offering His angels for strength and protection.  Turn to them in your time of need. They can be powerful defenders in your battle with those whispering in your ear to give up.

Originally posted 2013-11-06 11:00:35.

I fell into the very trap that so many fall into. When faced with a problem or dilemma, we fly into action and work and work to try and fix it. We can get so busy trying to make the problem go away, we squeeze God out of the situation. In all our hyperactivity, we block God from working. What we should do instead is back-off, acknowledge our weakness to God, and give Him some elbow room to work with us to find a solution. We don’t need to push every button and pull every lever. God knows much better than we do what is best. If only we gave Him a little room to work. Try it next time you are struggling with a problem. Invite God into the problem and step back and let Him work. You will be amazed at how much better things turn out.

For we rejoice when we are weak but you are strong. What we pray for is your improvement. – 2 Corinthians 13:9

Originally posted 2014-04-29 06:00:11.

During the throes of my divorce, I was in so much pain, all I could do was drag myself into daily Mass and sit there in an almost catatonic state. It hurt even to try and form the words to pray. I was completely overwhelmed. My feeble prayer was simply “Lord, please make all this stop. Please take my pain away.” That was my reality and that was all I could think about.

Originally posted 2013-10-03 11:00:52.

The year or two after my divorce was final was a very confusing time. I sure did my share of fumbling around as I tried, often in vain, to figure out this new life I had been thrust into. I would like to say I learned quickly, and I was able to promptly bring order and clarity into my life. But, that would be a lie. Usually, I would act like a spoiled brat with God, demanding that He take away my every pain and grant me my every desire. I often felt like I was in a tug-o-war with God. Pulling hard to get my way, and fighting just as hard against what was clearly His way. 

If this sounds like you, remember this: God only has one plan for us–Plan A. He created us to fulfill that plan. He has no Plan B. When things are difficult, or we rather just set our own course, we want there to be a Plan B. This plan is easier, more comfortable, and if the truth be known, serves primarily to make us happy. And there’s the rub. When we run our plan instead of God’s, while it might make us happy, and reduce the pain in our lives, it is only temporary. Lasting peace and joy only comes from surrendering our life to live God’s plan for us. Anything else is just Plan B. 

“My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, thy will be done.” – Matthew 26:42

Originally posted 2014-09-26 06:00:00.