“I have had situations where clients have said to me: ‘I have prayed my rosary everyday for three years and that has not changed my ex one bit.’ Well, the wrong person got changed.”, shares Sandy McKay, a wonderful, Catholic therapist on the Voices of Hope DVD. This is so true. I know I fell into this trap of believing all my problems would go away if only my former spouse would change. I was in a holding pattern while I waited for God to change my ex to be more kind, more cooperative, and, well, less of a jerk. The more I prayed and the longer I waited, the more disappointed I became. I resigned myself to believe that dealing with my ex was always going to be difficult.
That is what Christ calls us to do. He calls us to be kind, compassionate, patient, understanding, and loving, even if the other person isn’t. Often, that is extremely difficult to do, especially with our ex. We need supernatural grace to help us. Christ was the world’s greatest change agent, leaving a wake of forgiveness, healing, and kindness in his path. We can learn a lot from Him. Pray for the humility and courage to be the change agent with your former spouse. You will be amazed with just how human they are after all.
Finally, all of you, be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble. Do not return evil for evil, or insult for insult; but, on the contrary, a blessing, because to this you were called, that you might inherit a blessing. – 1 Peter 3:8-9