I thought that once my divorce was final, life would get back to some sense of normal and most of my divorce-related struggles would disappear. Yeah, right. I quickly discovered that the primary change was the types of struggles I faced, not struggles themselves. My main struggle initially was committing to a chaste lifestyle. That one […]
About a year after my divorce was final, I was invited to go on a spiritual retreat. During the retreat I heard a talk about the need to forgive those who have hurt you. Well, I could definitely relate to the being hurt part, but, frankly, the thought of forgiving my ex just made me angry. I […]
Not long after my divorce was final, my former spouse and I had a rather cutting verbal exchange. It had something to do with the kids or money, I can’t quite remember. What I do remember is sitting in my car afterward with my head dropped down on my chest feeling very defeated. The two […]
“I have had situations where clients have said to me: ‘I have prayed my rosary everyday for three years and that has not changed my ex one bit.’ Well, the wrong person got changed.”, shares Sandy McKay, a wonderful, Catholic therapist on the Voices of Hope DVD. This is so true. I know I fell into this trap of […]
My coworkers wanted to celebrate my divorce like I had just been set free from a POW camp. They were almost congratulating me for the failure of my marriage. On the outside I would humor them by going along with them, but inside I was dazed and confused. Here I was “single” again and totally […]
The phone bounced around in the corner a couple of times before coming to rest on the floor with its battery hanging out of it like the tongue of a dead duck. I had hurled it across the room bringing an abrupt end to a vicious verbal fight with my soon-to-be ex. I am not proud […]
One of the most common laments I hear from parents after divorce is the loss of quality time with their kids. That is understandable. The time they had with their kids is reduced, whether they are the custodial parent or not. While this challenge is experienced by both parents, it is more acute for the […]
During my separation, I read a book about how to help kids through divorce. The general wisdom in this book regarding what to tell the kids was: 1) Don’t blame the other parent (good advice) and 2) Tell the kids that the reason for the divorce is because mommy and daddy are having “big people […]
I remember clearly the turmoil that surrounded my separation and divorce and how greatly it impacted my kids. Their mom moved out and suddenly their world was turned upside down. To them it was like an explosion went off and they were seriously dazed and confused. Nothing was familiar any more. Everything had changed. Like […]
NOTE: You should not date until you receive an annulment. It happens all the time. There seems to be this natural tendency to introduce the kids to the new flame. You are excited about the new love in your life, and you expect your kids would be excited too, right? Wrong! Your kids have been […]