The pain was very evident in her voice and on her face as Ellen described how, because of their emotional distress, her two youngest boys were actually pulling out their eyebrows. Ellen had gone through a bitter divorce three years earlier. She and her ex were still waging war daily for some reason or another. Most battles were tit-for-tat exchanges over some ultimately meaningless issue. They were each hunkered down and were not giving an inch of ground to the other. Tragically, their four young kids were caught in the crossfire. As a result, they were all emotional wrecks, resorting to desperate measures to calm themselves.

Sadly, Ellen’s story is all too common. Parents must remember that children are the completely innocent victims in divorce. They didn’t ask for it, and they didn’t want it. Yet, they must carry this heavy cross daily. The first step parents can take in helping to make their kids’ burden lighter is to stop the war. Call an immediate truce, and then set about doing whatever is necessary to find a lasting peace. This doesn’t mean you have to be best buddies with your ex, but it does mean you may have to suck it up for your kids. Ending the war will usher in a much needed calm. This will allow a sense of predictability and security to your return to your kids’ lives giving them the time and space they need to adjust to their new reality. Find a way to do it for them, no matter how difficult. Aren’t they worth it?

Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. – Psalm 34:15

Originally posted 2014-06-25 06:00:30.