I throw myself down at the feet of Our Father with anxiety erupting within my heart over the circumstances that brought me to this desperate place. I replay the hurtful events that led to this pain. I am anxious about what is going to happen in my life and whether I will have the strength to bear the future. I ask God to make it all stop! Then I see Jesus, relating to me. He looks at me with tender love and compassion and tells me that he knows just how I feel. For he fell to his knees in the garden, anxiety-ridden by the totality of sin that brought him to this place. He sees the hurtful, hateful, devastating sin that has brought him to this place in time. The reality of what was going to happen to him was overwhelming and he wondered if he would have the strength to bear it all. He asked that this cup pass him by, but consented to the will of his Father.
I sometimes wonder why it seems so easy for my friends and family to carry on with their predictable lives when mine is spinning out of control. Sometimes I feel let down by people that I used to call my friends. It is so hard to bear this indifference. Then, with that all-knowing glance he turns to me and says, “Yes, I know.” My best friends could not even stay awake while I was undergoing such immense anxiety. They claimed to be right there with me, yet acted so indifferently to my pain.
Then I remember the people who have helped me along the way; the ones who dropped off dinner for my family, offered to pick up the kids from school, called out of the blue to see how I was doing and insisted that we meet for coffee. I call them my “Angels.” Jesus smiles and I know he is about to remind me of the comfort he received in the Garden of Gethsemane from the angels sent by God. I realize that God has sent me my angels too. He has been with me all along. He remains with me for as long as I must bear my Agony and He will not fall asleep.
I am grateful for my friend Jesus, who knows me so well. Who, in his infinite Mercy for me, suffered in such a way as to bring me comfort in my deepest sorrow.
For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. – Hebrews 4:15