Be Not Afraid

One of the most common reactions to divorce is fear.  That is very understandable. Who wouldn’t be scared if their entire life came crashing in around them? The problem with fear is not being scared, that’s normal. The problem is acting on fear. That’s when fear becomes a lousy strategy. Here is a better strategy: hope.  Hope is not about […]

The Yardstick

“This is the third time this month you have been late picking up the kids. You are going to have to figure out a way to be more on time,” I said coldly. My former spouse just looked at me with a mixture of embarrassment and exhaustion. After the kids were gone and the house […]

Perfect Prayer

When my divorce hit, it was as if I was run over by a freight train. I hardly knew what hit me. I was confused, disoriented, and could barely think long enough to decide what color socks to wear. It was that bad. My instinctual reaction was to turn to God. That was good. However, […]

Freedom

“I can’t forgive him, he’s not sorry for what he did.” was the response from Stacy when she was asked how she felt about forgiving her former spouse. She went on to explain that she thought that, just as in order to receive forgiveness from God for our sins we must be truly sorry, the […]

Breathe Life

“I need your help. My son is pulling out his eyebrows.” was the tearful plea from Meg, a woman in my Recovering from Divorce group. I knew that Meg and her former husband were having a very difficult time co-parenting their children. In fact, they were in a “hot war,” fighting pretty much each day. […]

A New Path

The face was pretty, yet the eyes held a deep sadness. I would guess that “Sandy” was in her late 30’s. She came to one of my workshops searching for answers. While she couldn’t quite seem to put the questions into words, her being there told the whole story. “I have been divorced about a […]

The Force

Yes, it pains me to admit, I am old enough to remember when the first Star Wars movie came out–plenty old enough. (I was a junior in high school.) One of the most memorable scenes in the movie was when young Luke Skywalker was being trained to use a powerful weapon, the lightsaber. He kept […]

Silly Stupid

Looking back during the first years of my divorce, I realize I made some pretty dumb mistakes. One of the biggest was to start dating within two weeks after my divorce was final. There were plenty more, trust me. Most of my mistakes seemed totally reasonable at the time. How could that be? How could decisions […]

The Real Deal

The pain of divorce can be so intense that people turn to alcohol, drugs, even relationships, to find relief.  Sadly, this type of relief is only temporary. Ignoring this, they figure if one drink didn’t work, two will. If one pill helped, two would help even more. If one relationship didn’t last, the next one […]